If You Ain't Learnin' ... Then You Ain't Livin'

Don't you just love how I broke out the "hickspeak" for the title there. It sounds like the title of a Country & Western song.

Do you ever say to yourself, "I really need/want to learn how to do that"? Well here is your chance ... make a list of three things that you either need to learn how to do or have always wanted to know how to do. I consider myself a pretty independent person, but have recently discovered that my husband does a lot of stuff for me. Here are the three things that I am going to try to learn this week:

1. how to use a corkscrew wine opener (I know ... you probably thought that I only drank boxed wine, but sometimes I splurge on the $6.50 bottle of wine and I always have my husband open it for me)

2. how to use the grill (the husband always grills the food and it bothers me that I don't know how)

3. how to mow a lawn (even though I will never be able to use the phrase "I have never mowed a lawn" ever again, I really need to learn how)

I am actually kind of bummed that I am going to force myself to learn how to mow. I love the look on people's faces when I tell them that I have NEVER mowed a lawn. They look at me like "How is that possible?", "Do you live in a cave?", "Are you some sort of alien?". I just never had the need to. I got married when I was 18 and Derek has always done the yard care on his own and now that we have teenage boys, they have been learning how to do it. I am going to tell Derek that he also needs to teach his 37 year old wife and the 17 year old daughter too (so that she doesn't end up being somebody's 37 year old wife who has never mowed a lawn).

Lowe's and Behold ... We Owe A Lot of Money !

$7,000 on the Lowe's card at 24.99% interest - I am going to give you a minute to get back up into your chair after reading that. We had the Lowe's card paid down to around $2,500 when our deadbeat renter from last year (the one that we had BEFORE we had this deadbeat renter) pretty much left the house in shambles while allowing their yappy little dog to pee in every room while smoking a cigarette. Yes, I do believe that the dog was smoking in there too. In fact I believe that they invited over every person in town to partake of their smoking rooms (aka our rent house). You are probably asking yourself "Will this chick ever learn?" and "Why are all of their renters deadbeats?" Well I did learn enough to take out the add in the paper that read:

Two bedroom, two bath house with carport, fenced yard, storage building, all appliances, and central heat/air ...... deadbeat renters who can't keep jobs, refuse to pay rent, have chickens that they keep indoors, and drug dealer friends are encouraged to apply !

So when the deadbeat renter from last year moved out, we had to replace all of the carpet, paint all of the rooms, replace some countertops and cabinets, replace mirrors, patch holes in the walls, buy new blinds, etc. etc. Of course when I say we in this scenario, I really mean Derek because I don't do much in the way of home improvements other than stand in the middle of the living room calling the deadbeat renters everything but a lima bean. The total for everything that we had to repair or replace was nearly $5,000 and since my name isn't Annie and I wasn't adopted by some rich, bald dude then we didn't have that kind of money. So it all went on the Lowe's card, which now has a balance of $7,000 at 24.99% interest. Which means that we are paying approximately $1,750 in interest EACH YEAR !!! (get back in your chair !)

So here is the plan .... I called Lowe's credit card service and of course, they don't lower their interest rates for anybody. Blah blah blah - we cut up the card and refuse to charge anything there ever again. Which means that they will probably have to fire a few people since we are no longer supporting the company, but hey that's just too bad. We have been working pretty hard in the past few months to pay off credit cards and hope to pay off two more this month. The plan is to pay Lowe's $1,000 a month until it is paid off. It is not going to be easy, but I am bound and determined to have that card paid off by my birthday next March. Of course, that will also be around the time that the current deadbeat renter decides that they have always wanted to cook a goat in the middle of the living room and that their pet buffalo is too scared to sleep outside.

Can't We All Just Get Along

Somebody on one of the forums that I am a member of posted a question about how to get her two sons to stop fighting. I suggested this:

"My sons are only a year apart and they share a room. They fight a lot and it has come to blows more than once. When they are in one of those fighting moods then we force them to stay away from each other. They tend to fight more when they are bored too. Plus if we tell them that they are not allowed to be around each other, then they actually want to be around each other. My suggestion is to force separation ... sit them down for a family meeting and tell them that you are tired of the contant turmoil in the house and until they can learn to be nice to each other and get along then they won't be allowed to play together or spend time with each other. Find chores that they can do alone. Make them play alone. Make them watch TV in separate rooms. Making them see how lonely it can be without the other one around might help."

I honestly thought that this was a valid suggestion as it has worked for us. Riley and Bryce have had a few really intense fights and I know that if we would have let them "fight it out" then they would have seriously hurt each other. When a 14 year old boy and a 15 year old boy fight it is not a pretty sight. They punch. They kick. They throw things. Sure we could let them "fight it out" and really hurt each other (and probably break some walls and furniture in the process), but what would that teach them? Our society is violent enough as it is ... should we really be allowing our children to beat the crap out of each other when they argue over a toy or who gets to decide what video game to play?

I was shocked at the responses to the question. Really shocked. There were only two of us who answered along the lines of separating the fighters and stopping the fight. The rest said to just leave them alone and let them fight. Children who are mad are not rational. They want to hurt the other person. They can't control their anger.

I posted this in response:

If I have a problem with a coworker, would it be okay for me to go punch her in the face while the boss stands back and watches while we "work it out"? If we don't tolerate that kind of behavior for adults, why would we allow it for our kids ?

If the only way that a child can express their feelings is through physical force then they won't have the coping skills needed to resolve conflicts without hitting, kicking, biting, throwing things, etc. The last thing in the world that we need to be teaching our children is how to be more violent.

One of Those Days

Ever have one of those days where you wake up at 5 a.m. and feel like you might not make it to the bathroom before your bladder bursts - only to discover once you get there that evidently your bladder has burst because you are peeing blood? PEEING BLOOD !!!! It's not as much fun as it sounds.

A trip to the doctor, a diagnosis of a severe Urinary Tract Infection (I capitalized that because it is that important), and three prescriptions later I am sitting here at work feeling just awful. Not looking forward to the following ten days when the antibiotics will tear my stomach up AND give me a yeast infection. Plus I will be peeing orange. PEEING ORANGE !!!!

Stop Complaining and Start Changing

One of the key things that I learned while doing CBT (Cognitive Behavorial Therapy) was that I am in control of my own thoughts, feelings, and actions and that I have the power to change things in my life that I am not happy with. I spent a lot of years believing that I was destined to be a certain way, when that is not the case at all. None of us are destined. We have the power to change things. The challenge for this week is to stop complaining about the things in your life that you do not like and start taking steps to change them. Write down three things in your life that you are upset about, not content with, or that you want to change. Write down and think about how you are handling those issues now and why the way that you are handling them is not working. Then come up with a plan to change your thoughts, attitudes, and actions. I will share with you the things that I am working on as examples (with the changes that I am planning on making in parentheses).

1. I have gained back about 20 pounds of the 50 pounds that I lost two years ago. I complain about the weight gain and how it makes my back hurt and makes me feel “blah” most of the time, yet I spend my evenings eating in front of the TV. (Do not turn on the TV unless there is something specific on that I want to watch – spend that “TV time” going for walks with my husband and the kids or doing yoga)

2. I would like to have a closer relationship with my children, yet I spend my evenings watching TV in my room with the door closed while the kids watch TV in their rooms. (have “no TV days” where the family plays games together or goes hiking in the mountains)

3. I complain about the amount of debt that we have, yet we go somewhere nearly every weekend just to have something to do and we buy things that we really don’t need. We also spend way too much money on take-out food. (find inexpensive ways to entertain ourselves or work on projects at home – cook more meals together and eat together at the dining room table)

I have heard that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, yet expecting different results. I spent way too many years being insane … going to try something new.

It's Official ......

.... as of today I have five teenagers ! My babies turn 13 today. Emily talked to me about the important landmark in time of finally becoming a teenager ... then she asked when she was going to get a cell phone and whether or not she could now watch "The Hangover". The answer to the cell phone question was "you are not getting one" and the answer to the movie question was "HELL NO". To which she replied in a high pitched tone, "Why not? I am a teenager now?" After I stopped rolling around in the floor laughing, I said, "Oh yeah ... that and a dime will get you ... wait ... a dime won't get you a damn thing ... so that and I dime will get you ten cents." She was not amused and stomped out of the room with a huff, an eye roll, and a door slam. Oh yeah - she's a teenager !

We Little Piggies Ain't Scared

Yesterday morning Derek told Bryce to go upstairs and put his shoes on because they were going to mow the yard. Bryce proceeded to walk upstairs and complain to Riley that he didn't want to mow the yard, so Riley (who loves to mow) volunteered to do it for him. After all of the mowing was done (while Bryce sat on his ass in front of the tv), Bryce had the nerve to come outside and ask Derek if he would drive him out to his friend's house. THE NERVE ! Derek told him that he didn't want to drive him out there and evidently when you don't want to do something then you don't have to. Bryce huffed ! He actually huffed ! Oh he has perfected the huff ... along with the eye roll ... the sulking silence ... the "why not?" ... the stomp up the stairs ... and the all important door slam. Oh yeah ... its a virtual greatest hits of the teenager with a bad attitude. He has yet to figure out that when you lay around all week long watching tv and eating that we are not going to go out of our way to give you money to go places or drive you to those places.

I read an article once about raising teenagers and the summary of it was that God made babies so cute and cuddly so that we would love them, take care of them, and want them around. God made teenagers so hard to get along with, with a horrible attitude, and an awful smell so that we wouldn't mind so much when they move out. AMEN TO THAT ONE !!