Reclaiming the Good TV

When the flat screen tv craze hit a few years ago we didn't go completely nutso and buy new tvs for every room in our house. We only went partial nutso and got one for the living room with our tax refund money. It is by far the best tv in the house. It has the cool sound system and the big screen. More importantly, the remote actually works every single time that you use it and you don't have to whack it against anything to be able to adjust the volume. You also don't have to run the dvd player through the vcr in order to watch dvds because the tv is so old that it doesn't even begin to know what to do with a dvd cable.

Well, the boyfriend of our darling princess seems to come over and plant himself on the couch on the nights when they are allowed to see each other. They have been together nine months (including the two months that they didn't really see it other) and have yet to go out on a real date. I never thought that I would ever think this, let alone actually say it to my daughter, but I just want to shake them and say "GO OUT ON A REAL DATE ALREADY". I want my good tv back. I want to be able to walk around my house in my jammies. I want to actually be able to walk around downstairs in my nightie gown, carrying a mixed drink and passing gas without having to worry about offending the boyfriend.

So I broke the news to her and told her that for at least a few weeks, they were going to have to venture out into the real world and possibly have actual conversations with each other that didn't involve "what do you want to watch?" "um ... I don't know ... what do you want to watch?". She actually looked somewhat puzzled - as if the concept of a real date was somehow foreign to her and she couldn't understand this date thing that I was speaking of. She asked, "where are we supposed to go?". After I stopped laughing, I replied, "well honey, you could go eat somewhere or possibly to the movies." When the lightbulb clicked on in her little Easy Bake oven of a mind, she uttered "yeah - I hadn't thought of that". I really don't care if they wander the aisles of Wal-Mart trying out nail polish colors or sniffing the laundry detergents. I JUST WANT THEM OUT OF MY HOUSE !!! So be forewarned America - I am setting this highly intelligent specimen of an human free among the rest of you tonight. Muahahahahaha !!!!