We Moved (and you didn't even have to pack)

I officially moved the blog and all of my followers yesterday. Today will be my first "new post" at the new site.

Join me there (for free boxed wine - woo hoo!)

http://www.slappyintheface.com

Imagine

I wasn't really much of a Beatles fan until after Derek and I saw Love (the Cirque show at the Mirage in Las Vegas) and we literally walked out of the theater absolutely stunned. We bought the soundtrack and then I become engrossed in the story that was The Beatles. This past summer we watched the Imagine documentary on Netflix (if you have Netflix ... WATCH IT!) and became fascinated with John Lennon and all that he stood for.

The thing that struck me the most about him was how calm and easy going he always seemed to be, even when discussing something that he felt passionately about. Today is John Lennon's 70th birthday and for today I will imagine a world with peace and love.

"You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one"

the chorus from Imagine by John Lennon

Beef 'n Cheddar For Everyone !!!

One of the advantages of being a child of a hoarder (ok - there really aren't any advantages of being a child of a hoarder, but I am trying to put a positive spin on it) is that the hoarder parent tends to bring you fairly useless things on a regular basis.

For example: the last week of September my father bestowed upon us one hundred and four (oh yes - I counted them) Arby's coupon flyers that expired on September 30th. First of all .... some of my kids don't even like Arby's. Second of all ... there are about twenty coupons in each flyer ... multiply that times one hundred and four and you get 2,080 coupons for Arby's. TWO THOUSAND AND EIGHTY COUPONS ! How in the world were we supposed to use TWO THOUSAND AND EIGHTY coupons in a week's time? Were we supposed to trade them in for goods or services?

"Thanks for changing my oil ... here's an Arby Q and some curly fries on us."

I guess that we could have handed them out to the homeless people. "Sorry that you are down on your luck man, but if you can find an Arby's nearby then be sure to try the Jamocha shake and the new chocolate turnover."

Maybe I should have added up their value and mailed them off to Discover for credit on my payment. Who knows? The payment chick might enjoy herself a Beef 'n Cheddar every once in a while.

Oh well ... I shouldn't complain ... at least he stopped bringing us the leftover bowling alley pizza. Of course now that I have said that - I have upset the hoarding gods and there will be an anchovy and pineapple pizza without cheese waiting on my porch when I get home (along with a stained sweater he found at a park, one earring, and some keys to things that we don't own).

The Best Show That You May Not Be Watching

Remember Martha Plimpton from The Goonies? Me too. She is on a wonderful new show on Fox where she plays a mother of a guy in his 20s. Oh Martha - say it isn't so! Are we really old enough to be playing the mother?

Anyway - if you like shows with clever dialogue and snarky humor then this is the show for you. Derek and I laughed and laughed at last nights episode. You can watch full episodes online - give it a try - it's a good one !

http://www.fox.com/raisinghope/

So Funny Because It's True (Somewhat)

The First Ever Monthly Challenge

Anybody can do a weekly challenge .... but how many of us can stick to a real challenge for a whole month? Well this chick is going to try it. Due to our overwhelming debt and our ever expanding waistlines, I talked Derek into doing a monthly challenge called "Go Nowhere Month". For the month of October we are not going to go out to eat as a family, not going to get take-out food as a family, not going to go to the movies, not going to go shopping just for the sake of shopping and basically live like we are poor folks (wait ... we are).

The rules of "Go Nowhere Month" are that Derek and I can each get a fast food lunch once per week (Bueno for me every Friday) and we can go places as a family as long as it doesn't cost us anything. For example: Rachel has to take her Senior picture for "the panel" on the 16th and we are then going to go to the mountains to take family pictures after that with my sister and her kids. We are going to pack a picnic lunch (because we all know that sandwiches taste better in the mountains) and not spend money on take-out food or going out to eat that day. We also have my nephew's birthday party on the 24th, but it doesn't start until 2 so we can eat lunch at home before we leave.

Derek tried to sabotage the plan on Saturday when we ended up with only two kids at home. "You know ... we could go out to eat with only two kids and it would be a lot cheaper than normal". I thought about it for a second .... I really considered it ... but then I started adding it all up in my head .... a tank of gas $30, dinner for the four of us plus tip around $50, drinks that we would have bought at the gas station before we left town $6 ..... nope .... not going to do it ! I was tempted ... but I resisted !

It's going to be tough. Really tough. Derek and I have spent the last nineteen years living above our means - eating take-out food, buying junk that we didn't really need, taking vacations that we couldn't afford, etc. etc. It's time to stop ! We have so many bills that I have to write all of their due dates on the calendar each month in order to keep track of them and I am tired of it. I AM TIRED OF IT !!!

So let the challenge begin !!! I just hope that Taco Bueno doesn't have to declare bankruptcy without my daily contributions to their bottom line.

Oh To Be Young and Know Everything

Well the sisters were bitches to the new girl at the grocery store and of course, Rachel has gotten herself involved right smack dab in the middle of it. She has yet to learn the fabulous life skill of ignoring people and she informed me just now on the phone that she is going to tell the manager to make one of the sisters stay up front so she doesn't have to work around her tonight. To which I replied, "Rachel, you are the employee. You don't get to tell the manager how to do his job." To which she huffed into the phone and hung up on me. Gosh wouldn't the world just be a fabulous place if people actually did what we told them to do. If that's how it works then I have this to say to Rachel:

"STOP DATING THE LOSER BOYFRIEND AND LEARN HOW TO STAY OUT OF ARGUMENTS THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU! P.S. IF YOU DON'T WANT MY OPINION ON SHIT - THEN DON'T ASK FOR IT !!!"

Oh I Am Dangerous Now .... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The new website http://www.slappyintheface.com/ is up ... however it is not "up and running". It is more of an "up and crawling" right now. I am working on figuring out how to reduce the width so that you don't have to scroll sideways to read everything (because we all know how hard it is to scroll sideways especially after a box or two of wine). I also like playing around with the fonts (fonts are fun!), need to figure out how to add more categories to my categories section (because if you only have one category then there really isn't much point in having a category section is there?), and adding pictures to my posts.

Do not fear my loyal followers ... I will continue to post here until I get the new one up and sprinting (running so fast that you might think that it was being chased by a rabid bear or a clown zombie) so that you can continue to share in my daily dose of snarky goodness. In the meantime, feel free to let me know how you feel about the new site ..... and if you hate it and it burns your eyes ... well then too bad for you. :)

Drama in Aisle Five

Rachel works at the newest grocery store in town and in a town of around 3,000 people the newer grocery store is where everybody applies for a job. Rachel was one of the first ones hired and is only one of two of the original people that is still there after a year. I am sure that she is not perfect (see the posts from a few weeks ago to understand what I mean), but she does know what she is doing and she has been told that she does a pretty good job.

Well a few weeks ago, they hired two sisters who are in their twenties who evidently have nothing better to do than be hateful to people and cause drama. I have lived through drama - years and years of drama - so I prefer to try to live drama free and I want to raise my children to be the same way. I just don't understand why some people have to have something tragic going on in their lives all the time. These two sisters are those kind of people. If there isn't some big crisis going on in their lives then they will make something up or start trouble with somebody else. I have heard that they had a pretty rough childhood and were raised by meth addicts who literally locked the kids in a dog pen in the backyard so they could have drug parties. I know that that's a rough childhood, but when does a rough childhood stop being an excuse for being a total bitch. I had a rough childhood ... hell I had a rough teenagehood and part of my adulthood hasn't been too peachy either ... but I don't go around pushing down old ladies or kicking kittens just because I had it rough in the past.

Rachel told us last night that "the sisters" informed her that when Rachel's friend, Amy, starts working at the store on Thursday then they are going to pick on her until she quits. They don't even know this girl and when Rachel asked them why they were going to do that, one of the sisters said, "Well ... we have to pick on somebody". WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? NO YOU DON'T !!! WHY WOULD A GROWN PERSON HAVE TO PICK ON A TEENAGER JUST TO HAVE SOMETHING TO DO?

I am trying my hardest to stay out of it and we told Rachel to try to stay out of it as much as possible, because she really can't risk losing this job or she won't be able to pay for her car and we sure can't pay for it either. However, I want my children to stand up for what's right and the way that they are planning on treating Amy is NOT right. I just don't understand why people feel the need to be evil for no reason.

Rocks and Sticks

There is a state question on the Oklahoma ballot that will require the state to spend the average amount that the area spends on each student per year for public education. In theory that sounds like a fabulous idea. "Of course schools need more money ... they tell us that all the time." However, in a state that is currently running a budget deficit (as are a lot of other states) there is no money in the coffers to fund this fabulous idea. So - if we make it law and there is no money to fund it, then where will the money come from?

Well it looks like it will come from other agencies in the state and very important programs will suffer. Medicaid benefits will have to be reduced along with school lunch programs, foster care payments, law enforcement, drug courts, etc. All because of some misguided belief that money somehow buys a better education. I know of a few kids who have come from privileged backgrounds and attended private school and sometimes I wonder how they manage to feed themselves. "What is this metal thingie with these pokie thingies at the end ... how do I get the food up to my face?"

I am a former teacher (one who would be a kick ass teacher now) who sat around on her butt all day long due to an addiction problem and nobody ever said a word about it. My classroom had the newest computers, a new grading system, a new projector. All of that meant nothing when the teacher didn't care about .... well .... anything. A good teacher can teach with a textbook, some paper, and a pencil. A GREAT TEACHER CAN TEACH WITH ROCKS AND STICKS. What is the point of having smartboards in every classroom if we continue to graduate kids who can't read and do basic math? Administrators have to get up off of their asses and actually spend time in the classroom. If a teacher is allowing time to be wasted by letting kids play on the computer, talk on their cell phones, and eating snacks then they need to either change or they need to go.

http://www.stop744.com/

State question 744 will just pump money into a broken public education system that can't be fixed with money. It CAN be fixed by hiring and keeping teachers who actually care about what they are doing in the classroom. It CAN be fixed by parents who spend time with their children in the evenings instead of parking them in front of a television for hours on end. It CAN be fixed by communities who actually become involved with what is going on in the schools instead of turning a blind eye to the problems. It CAN be fixed by you .... and by me (without sacrificing other critical programs that work together to make this state a great place to live).

Weekly Challenge - Make a Memory (and some caramel popcorn)

Due to my recent health issues, I am trying to eat better and not eat as much junk food and overprocessed crap. Soooooooooo I found this reciped in O magazine for caramel corn and decided to give it a shot .... yes it has sugar and butter in it, but that's better than a bunch of preservatives that I can't pronounce. Yesterday me and the girlies made this and we all ate it while watching The Amazing Race last night. It might just be the best caramel corn that I have ever had.

Honey Caramel Corn Balls
6 Tbsp. (3/4 stick) butter
1/2 cup sugar
1/2 cup light brown sugar
3 Tbsp. honey
3 Tbsp. light corn syrup
3/4 tsp. baking soda
10 cups (1 plain microwave bag, or 1/4 cup kernels) popcorn , popped
2 tsp. fine sea salt
1 1/2 cups honey-roasted peanuts (or other nuts)

Directions
Total time: 40 minutes

In a medium, heavy-bottomed saucepan, melt butter over medium heat. Add sugars, honey, and corn syrup and cook to 300° over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally. Mixture will be thick and bubbly. Add baking soda and stir carefully to incorporate.

Remove any unpopped kernels from popcorn, then place in a lightly oiled bowl. Pour caramel over popcorn and toss to combine, using oiled, heatproof spatulas or wooden spoons. When popcorn has cooled slightly but is not quite set, mix in salt and peanuts. With oiled hands, form into 2-inch balls. Keep a bowl of cold water nearby to dip your hands into if mixture gets warm or sticky. Place balls on sheet tray; once cool, store in an airtight container. Eat within a week.

The Versatile Blogger Award

Be sure to pass it on !!

Thanks to Cindy for including me in her list of versatile bloggers this week AND for giving me an instant topic to blog about. The bloggers who have this honor bestowed upon them (much like being knighted by The Queen) are to reveal seven truths about themselves and then pass the honor to seven blogs that they follow.


So here goes .... Seven truths about me ... stand back people, this could get ugly:


1. I am 37 years old and have been married for 18 years (19 in December). We have been through literal hell on earth ... but we survived ... and we have thrived because of it.

2. I have 5 teenagers ............ oh dear lord ... just reading that made me want to cry ... and then scream ... and think drink a box of wine. Rachel is 17 (and if you don't know Rachel - read last week's posts), Bryce is 16, Riley is 15, and the twins - Emily and Beth are 13. Oh yes ... feel bad for me ... it's okay ... I will allow it.

3. I have survived a prescription drug addiction (Paxil, Ambien, misuse of blood pressure meds, and hormones) mixed with copious (man I love that word) amounts of Vodka - enough Vodka to make a Russian mobster say "damn ... she drinks a lot".

4. I have survived an abusive relationship in high school where I was beaten with a baseball bat, nearly run over, and taken out to the middle of the woods and had a gun held to my head. Oh yeah - he was a real winner!

5. I was raised by hoarders (one who came about it naturally and one who developed it after her own prescription drug addiction). It's similar to being raised by wolves only with less attacking of the neighbors sheep ... however if the neighbors had a stained, broken recliner out by their trash can, then that might be reason enough for a midnight attack.

6. I drink a can of Dr. Pepper every morning for breakfast ... I hate coffee (although I do love frozen coffee drinks and coffee candy).

7. I have "done time". Done time being crazy ... done time being sick ... done time in serious withdrawal ... and I have been in a jail cell where I met some of the most amazing women on the face of the earth who got caught up in bad circumstances and are now stuck in prison without any hopes of anything better. Don't worry babes - I am fighting my hardest to change the system.


The blogs that I read and love (consider yourself Knighted my friends)

Year In Letters

Cindy's Clipboard

Postcards From Oblivion

Dharma in the Falls

Hyperbole and a Half

Robin's Chicks

Rhythm of the Home

I also read http://www.dooce.com/ and belong to the community there - but she has enough awards so I will just send her a can of Sprite.

You Want Me To Put What .... Where?

WARNING - THIS POST FALLS IN THE TOO MUCH INFORMATION CATEGORY - READER BEWARE !!!


Last Thursday I went to the doctor because ... well ... I feel like poo. For about two years now I have felt like I have had a constant yeast infection. I have been through rounds of antibiotics and enough Diflucan and over the counter stuff to kill an elephant (and probably elephant sized yeast). Well my lab test from "that region" all came back normal and I am still waiting for my blood work to come back. In the meantime, the doc gave me a prescription for Boric Acid Vaginal Suppositories ... yeah ... you read that right ... ACID IN MY VAG !!! He wants me to stick Boric Acid up my hoo haw !!!

Telling Derek about it was hilarious ... "He wants you to stick what up there?" "Is it going to burn you .... but more importantly .... is it going to burn me?" "Will it make a fizzy sound when you walk?" "Isn't that the same stuff in Borax .... are you going to have the cleanest vag in town?"

Well normal pharmacies don't carry the acid that you stick up there, so they have to be compounded. Luckily the pharmacist that I found to do it is a woman ... I would rather not have any other men thinking about the acid in my vag or the fizzy sound that it might be making.

The Big Stamp

Disclaimer: I love my daughter a lot ... but sometimes I wonder how she finds her way out of her bedroom in the morning.

Friday afternoon (in the middle of all of this sneaking around with a 20 year old goober drama) Rachel finally decides to mail her ACT packet. We had decided that we weren't going to constantly remind her about getting it sent in, but after all of the engagment drama we decided that we better remind her so that she can be preparing to actually go to college. Well long story short (I know - too late), I was in the bathroom Friday afternoon when she came upstairs and told me through the door that she needed to mail her ACT packet and asked me if I had any stamps. I told her that I did and where they were.

A few minutes later she came back upstairs and told me that the packet had a big square where the stamp went so she used the big stamp. "Um ... honey ... what big stamp?" It was probably a good thing that we were talking through the bathroom door so she couldn't see the "oh my gosh - we have raised a complete moron" look on my face. She had taken the label off of the book of stamps and put it on the ACT packet, because she seriously thought that it was a "big stamp". Oh yeah - this is the daughter who thinks that she is mature enough to get married.

Go ahead and laugh ... I did.

Look What I Did .... Hey It Doesn't Hurt To Try

Good Morning America is looking for an advice guru ... so I applied. Of course they are not going to hire somebody with a felony record, but it is fun to try. Actually when you think about it ... how can somebody who has never been through bad situations be qualified to give advice about anything? Maybe I am perfect for this job.

Here are the questions from the application and my answers:

What's the best advice you have ever given? What was the result? (150 words or less)

After dealing with prescription medication addiction myself, I have discovered how to deal with anxiety without depending on medications. I have a friend who is currently going through withdrawal herself and she gets really upset with her situation and is hard on herself for her life ending up like this. I recently told her "you have to stop mourning the life that you think you should have had and start living the one that you do". She told me that she loved me for telling her that and she is well on her way to living med free and dealing with anxiety on her own.

What would you tell his person: "Whenever there is an issue between my mother-in-law and me, my husband refuses to stand up for me. How do I get him to value our relationship more than the one with his mother? (150 words or less)

You can't force your husband to value your relationship more than the one with his mother and you shouldn't even try. Whenever your mother-in-law and you have an argument then you need to be adult enough to stand up for yourself. Your husband is a grown man and you can't change his behaviors, so stop trying. If the way that your mother-in-law treats you is upsetting to you, then YOU need to talk to her about it. Putting your husband between you and his mother will only make him resent you both.

What would you tell this person: "While cleaning my son's room, I accidentally saw on his Facebook page threatening remarks from his friends. I fear he's being bullied. What should I do?" (150 words or less)

First of all, if your son is young enough that you are still cleaning his room for him, then he is too young to have an account on Facebook. If your son is old enough to have an account on Facebook, then why are you cleaning his room? Facebook accounts are not a right and should only be allowed under strict supervision. If you fear that your son is being bullied (in person and/or via Facebook) then have a conversation with him about it. If there really is an issue then it might be time to visit some of the parents of the kids that your son has "friended". I feel that very few parents actually know what their kids are doing in real life and on the Internet. That needs to change.

What would you tell this person: "My boss keeps taking credit for my ideas. What should I do?" (150 words or less

Schedule a time to talk with him or her and tell them that you are very flattered that they like your ideas so much that they have used them themselves, but that you feel that you deserve some credit for contributing your thoughts and ideas to the company. Keeping your feelings to yourself could make you feel bitter about the whole situation and cause you to dislike your job. Be calm and assertive about how you feel without accusing your boss of outright "stealing".

Submit your essay: (300 words or less)

There really isn't much that my thirty seven years on this planet hasn't prepared me for. My life has been a journey through hoarding, neglect, parental drug abuse, parental emotional abuse, an abusive relationship in high school, alcoholism, etc. I also turned to prescription meds when life became stressful and they completely changed me into a different person. It took a jail cell and a pair of handcuffs for me to see that I was ruining my life. That "slap in the face" happened four years ago and it was what I needed to realize that I wasn't myself and that I needed to taper off of the meds and repair the relationships with my husband and children. I feel that all of us have the power within ourselves to live a better life and that sometimes we just need a little guidance. I would love the opportunity to use the events of my life to help others and to share my story with the world.

Weekly Challenge - Give It A Rest

I am tired. No wait ... that's an understatement. I am beyond tired ... I am what tired would be AFTER it swam across the English Channel, carrying a load of bricks big enough to recreate the Great Wall of China, and then dancing the rumba for twelve straight hours. I have never been the kind of person who could turn off my brain at the end of the night and just go to sleep. In fact, I think that my brain goes into overdrive at the end of the day because it knows that I am lying there in bed with nothing to do so I might as well be dwelling on all of this crap going on with Rachel along with ways to end the world hunger problem, how to find world peace, and the perfect paint color for the stairwell project that still isn't finished.

So for about the past week - ever since we found out about what our lovely child was sneaking around and doing - I have gotten very little sleep. I am tired. I am exhausted ... I just can't sleep. So my goal for the week is to give it a rest. ALL OF IT ! No more talking and talking and talking to Rachel about all of it - she has the information and now it is up to her to use it wisely. Plus at least for this week, I am not going to worry about finding an agent, sending article queries, stressing about whether or not I will ever find another job, stressing about whether or not we will ever get out of debt, etc. etc. etc. Nope - not this week. This week I am just going to let it be. WHATEVER THE UNIVERSE SENDS ME THIS WEEK .... SO BE IT !

Ah .... Young Stupidity (The Trilogy ... but not the final chapter)

Sorry that I didn't post yesterday ... along with all of this mess, I am having health concerns so Derek took me to the doctor for an exam and blood work.

Where to begin? Where to begin? First of all, I have to tell you that I was not arrested and only had to use the really colorful curse words a few times during the "big talk". However, I do appreciate the underground effort to collect money for bail in the event that it was needed.

Wednesday night as soon as Rachel walked in the door from work, I handed her the phone and told her "call Brant and tell him to get over here right now". Ah - the element of surprise! She told me that she couldn't call him from the house phone because she didn't know his number. YOU ARE ENGAGED TO THIS GOOBER AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIS PHONE NUMBER !!! I realize in the age of technology that we put contacts into our phones and don't actually dial the numbers when we want to talk to them, but come on!!

He showed up and we begin the lecture/big talk/what the hell were you thinking? discussion. I know that my daughter doesn't read this blog and will probably never read this blog so it might be safe to say that this kid is a goob. In case you don't know what a goob is ... look it up on dictionary.com and his picture will be there. He is just a big, dopey acting kid who is so madly in love with Rachel that he can't see past the "um ... she is pretty .. and um ... she talks to me ... and um ... I love to look at her ... and um ... we are gonna get married".

I proceeded to tell them both that Derek was not able to have a rational conversation about all of this yet, but he did agree to the written agreement that I had devised. The agreement reads as follows and I read it to both of them:

Agreement about the Relationship between Rachel McGee and Brant Boggs.

There will be absolutely no compromising on the terms of this agreement and no part of this agreement is subject to any type of debate.

Until January of 2011, there is to be NO contact of any type between Rachel McGee and Brant Boggs. The secret relationship has been going on for months without any regard to the rules of this household and with blatant disrespect by all parties who knew about it. Adults and people who want to be treated like adults do not behave in this manner and can obviously not be trusted. The situation will be evaluated by Rachel’s parents, Derek and Gina McGee, in January of 2011 to determine whether or not Rachel can be trusted to behave in a mature manner without the continuous deception that she has obviously exhibited in the past. The time spent apart should be spent on maturing in the areas of school, work, and general attitude.
The time of sneaking around and lying about the relationship is over. We had our reasons, as her parents, to set guidelines and rules about whom she was allowed to date and those rules were not followed. It is even more upsetting to have your child continually lie to your face about the situation and to have them tell lies about you in a form of manipulation and as a means to control everyone in the situation.

If at any point during the time period from now (September 15, 2010 to January of 2011) it is discovered that contact of any sort has been made between Rachel McGee and Brant Boggs, Gina McGee will meet both Rachel McGee and Brant Boggs at the Cottle County courthouse on the morning following the discovery to sign permission for a marriage license. It is illegal for a seventeen year old child to reside with somebody over the age of eighteen without being married therefore the only option if Rachel and Brant are not willing to respect our rules and this agreement is for the two of them to be immediately married.

If Rachel McGee and Brant Boggs chose not to follow the rules of this agreement, the white, 2005 Chevrolet Cavalier registered in the name of Derek McGee is to remain the property of Derek McGee. The vehicle was purchased under the agreement that Rachel McGee would follow the rules and guidelines set by her parents for the car, one of which was that the car would never be driven to places that Rachel was not supposed to be. This agreement has obviously been violated, therefore the vehicle will be sold in order to pay off the lien against it and the loan that is currently in the name of Derek McGee.

We are not happy about this decision, but feel that we have no other choice. We are exhausted by Rachel's behavior and are extremely hurt by the entire situation. We are no longer willing to allow this situation in its current state to continue.

I called their bluff. I not only called their bluff - I texted it ... I faxed it ... I sent it messages by carrier pigeon and smoke signal. Derek and I both knew that this was not going to be the final agreement, but Rachel and Mr. "she is so beautiful that I can't see straight" didn't know this. We had to get their attention and the agreement served the purpose ... plus it gave me a great amount of insight into how each of them really felt.

After I finished reading it, Rachel's eyes were as big as dinner plates and I knew that I had her attention. "What does all of that mean?" "Why are you going to make us get married?" "Why do I have to give up the car?" Muahahahahaha ... Oh I had her now! She doesn't want to marry this goober any more than she wants to wear a beard of bees while walking a tightrope and juggling chainsaws. She took the engagement ring because he gave it to her and she didn't have any better boyfriend options at the time. She has been stringing this guy along for years and the poor sap really is madly in love with her. If it wasn't so damn pathetic it would almost be funny. She was sitting there worried about how she would be the only Senior that was married and the fact that we would take her car and he was sitting there all moon eyed telling me, "I would marry her tomorrow". To which I replied, "Then you are a damn fool".

I have to tell you that I am so proud of Derek. Damn - I love that man! He had his moments during all of this where he was so angry that he couldn't see straight, but he has calmed down considerably and we have had some really good discussions about it. We talked about how kicking her out of the house and forcing her to get married might prove our point in the short run, but in the long run it would tear apart the family and probably ruin her relationship with us and with her brothers and sisters. Our goal as parents is to raise responsible children who can take care of themselves and contribute positively to their environment and the world and if using an unorthodox approach achieves that end result then we will do exactly that.

I told the both of them that there has to be some sort of punishment for the lying and sneaking around and that Derek and I would talk about the whole situation ... and I left it at that. When Rachel gets home from work tonight we will inform her that she is grounded from going anywhere that isn't school, work, home, or on outings with the family. She will be allowed to see him only during her lunch break at school and she is NOT allowed to bring him to our house or to be at his house at any time. He may come by the grocery store where she works to see her, but there will be no contact by phone. Derek and I aren't stupid - we remember being madly in love and if somebody had told us that we would have had to build a log cabin by hand, kill our own food, and hike four miles one way to a contaminated stream to get drinking water in order to be together, then we would have done exactly that. My point is ... forbidding her from seeing this goob will not work and did not work. We realize that ... and by continuing to forbid them from seeing each other, it would only reinforce his attitude of "eveybody else supports our love except you".

Derek and I really feel that this relationship will run its course just like all of her other "loves of her life" have and we just need to sit back and let it happen. I have to confess though, being a tough parent is well ... tough. Calling their bluff and upsetting her was not fun, but it had to be done (hey - that rhymed). When we adopted our children years ago, we did it with the understanding that no matter what, we would still love them and even though I was fully prepared to let her go, I just wasn't ready to think about a hallway that had four senior pictures hanging in it instead of the five that I had always dreamed would be there. I just wasn't ready to think about a world where daddy's little girl didn't dance with him at her wedding or a world where my grandchildren were born without me being there.

We have reached a compromise and while it isn't the best situation, we are working on it. We aren't perfect, but we are trying.

** Some names in this post have been changed to protect the stupid and madly in love**

Ah .... Young Stupidity (The Sequel)

The old Paxilated version of me would have handled this whole Rachel situation by either a) flying off the handle, throwing stuff and drinking excessively or b) avoiding the situation and just hoping that it goes away ... to end up later raising at least seven different grandchildren by seven different fathers. Well not this version of me - I took the rational approach and spent an hour yesterday evening talking to the mother of Rachel's current "love of her life".

The mother told me that the relationship had been going on for about a year and that Rachel had been to their house on a regular basis - quite often during her lunch break at school and on the weekends when she was supposed to be at various friends' houses. I showed her the ring and asked her if it looked familiar ... of course it did ... she had seen it before. That got all over me ... this woman that I had never even met ... the mother of a twenty year old young man that is evidently engaged to my daughter, that I have also never met .... knew that he had given an engagement ring to my daughter without me even knowing that they were dating. Not to mention the fact that he didn't even know enough about her to know or bother to find out her actual ring size since the ring has a plastic sizer on the back of it. Oh there is also the other option that it is actually the engagement ring that he gave his ex-fiance a year ago and he gave my daughter a used ring. Either option did not sit well with this momma.

I told her that if their relationship had in fact been going on a year, then Rachel has been dishonest with her son as well. I proceeded to enlighten her to the fact that a year ago Rachel had a serious boyfriend from one neighboring town whom she had dated for a year and that just six months ago she had another serious boyfriend from another neighboring town. So she has been keeping this twenty year old "on the side" while she dated other boys that we knew about. Classy - huh?

The mother told me that the "boy" had wanted to tell us several times that this was all going on, but every time that he mentioned it then Rachel would start the water works and proceed to make him believe that Derek and I were somehow controlling and abusive and that she feared that something truly horrible would happen if we found out. Oh you can just imagine how well this little tidbit of information went over. I have never abused my children, but in that very moment it sure did sound like a very tempting idea.

I also asked her if her son had given Rachel a phone, because I check her cell phone bill and their contact miraculously ceased the very same day that we had a heated argument about this boy about a month ago. The mother told me that Rachel had the boy's phone and the boy was using her phone so that they could call and text each other. She even told me that the last phone bill was over $700, because they had texted and talked so much - but in the very next breath started trying to convince me that her son was intelligent, mature, and responsible. I am not buying it - I present to you my arguments for my case.

1. An intelligent, mature and responsible twenty year old does NOT sneak around with a seventeen year old behind her parents back all the while knowing that they do not approve of the relationship and would not condone it.

2. An intelligent, mature, and responsible twenty year old does NOT quit college, give up a full-ride scholarship and move back to podunk Oklahoma to chase around a seventeen year old high school girl.

3. An intelligent, mature, and responsible twenty year old does NOT give the seventeen year old girl a phone so they can sneak around and talk to each other as a way to get around the fact that her parents check the cell phone bills AND then run up a $700 phone bill that his mommy paid for him.

After the conversation with the mother, I drove the the grocery store where Rachel works and informed her that I had been to talk to his mother and that I knew about the ring and the phone. She looked me right in the face and said "It's not mine ... it's Aubry's ... just ask her". To which I replied, "Do you have any idea how hurt your father and I are about the fact that you were given an engagement ring by somebody that we didn't even know that you were dating." She actually said to me, " I didn't know that it was an engagement ring". I had to leave at that point or I would have caused a major scene and possibly an arrest, but before I stormed out I got right in her face and said, "I though that the ring was Aubry's".

Derek is not talking to Rachel and I am tired of playing the peacekeeper in the family ... exhausted by it actually. I am done. Derek is working tonight and I am going to talk to both Rachel and "Mr. love of her life" tonight. I have four more kids to raise and a strong marriage that I am not willing to sacrifice for her seventeen year old bullshit. I am giving them options ... and they aren't going to like them ... but guess what ... I DON'T CARE !!!

Ah .... Young Stupidity

Last night a secret elf dropped a letter on our front porch addressed "To the parents of Rachel McGee". Can you see where this is going? Oh yes - I could see where this was going too. When Riley handed it to me, my heart stopped. Whomever wrote the letter did not sign it, but it had to be somebody who knows her pretty well. They basically told us that Rachel has been sneaking around secretly dating the twenty year old that we told her that we didn't want her dating. We already suspected that it was happening. We aren't that stupid. Plus I remember being a 17 year old and having my parents tell me that I was forbidden from dating a certain boy - sure he was a jobless bum who spent his days drinking beer and playing video games from the comfort of his disgustingly dirty couch, but as soon as my parents told me that I couldn't date him then he instantly became Paul Newman mixed with Sam Eliott with a little Robert Redford thrown in.

Derek is not taking this well at all. His ego is bruised by it and he just can't understand why his baby girl would do this to us. The letter also said that the twenty year old Romeo has given Rachel an engagement ring and lo and behold she came home from work last night wearing a ring that looks an awful lot like an engagement ring on her left ring finger ....but of course it wasn't hers and she was just wearing it for somebody that she works with ... and if you look at my birth certificate you will notice that my birthdate was not September 13th of 2010 and I was NOT born yesterday !!!

So here we are ... at another place in raising children that is no fun at all. Derek is ready to just let her go and let her see how hard life really is .... and that love doesn't buy groceries. I am trying to find some middle ground and make him see that the main reason that she sees this loser as being so fabulous is because we don't.

Weekly Challenge - Venture Out

We ventured out on Saturday. We ventured waaaaaaaaaaaay out. We went to watch roller derby. Yes - you read that right .... ROLLER DERBY and man oh man ... we are in love ! Well Derek is probably more in love with it than I am ... but he is a man .... a man who loves curvy chicks with tattoos who could easily kick his ass ... while on roller skates.

We don't fully understand all of the rules yet, but we didn't mind at all. We cheered when everybody else cheered. We clapped and yelled and had a wonderful time and it was unlike anything that I have ever seen before ... and I want to go back. Roller Derby ... where have you been all my life?

I am thinking that I have about five years (that is when all the kids will be grown and hopefully moved out) to learn how to skate. Then I am going to join a roller derby league ... I am a curvy chick with a tat or two ... and I have already come up with some choices for my roller derby identity .....

how about "The Offender" (you know ... as in felony offender .... baaaaaaaaaaahahahaha) or better yet .... how about "Felony Griffith" ...... but the one that I think that I am going to go with is ......................... "Felon Keller" What do you think?

Can Depression Turn Into Motivation?

The past few days have hit me hard. I don't feel well (mentally, emotionally, and physically) and I think that stress has taken a toll on me. As you know, the rent house has fleas and Riley knocked his ribs out of whack during football practice. The doctor's appointments for the ribs cost us $120 - I know that it had to be done, but when you are budgeted down to the penny any little unplanned expense really hurts. Even worse - the flea situation has cost us over $650 ($350 in lost rent and over $300 trying to get rid of the little bastards). The plan for the month was to completely pay off the $820 Sam's card balance and then next month pay off the around $900 Capital One balance. That is not going to happen now and it put me in a serious funk.

Then it hit me yesterday ... I can't change any of this. I CAN'T CHANGE IT! I CAN'T CHANGE IT! I CAN'T CHANGE IT! I probably told myself that a million times. Why am I wasting time being upset about something that has happened and can't be changed? All I can do is plan for next month and hope (and pray to the God of Sam's Club) that we will have the money to pay off at least one of those credit cards.

I am going to use this depressive funk and turn it into motivation. I am going to call and make doctor's appointments and finally figure out why I feel so bad. I am going to send out query letters to book agents. I am going to send out query letters to magazines. I am going write an email about possibly telling my story to education students so that new teachers can avoid situations like mine. I am going to start working on my next book.

Sitting around and being unhappy about things that I can't change won't solve anything, but using those bad situations to motivate me might change my future.

Stay Tuned

Time flew by today (look at your window .... you might catch a glimpse of it) and I didn't get a post done. Stay tuned .... tomorrow will be "Can Depression Turn Into Motivation?"

He Didn't Say Anything About Playing Catch

Derek did NOT have a good day yesterday. Bryce started puking in the morning, so he stayed home from school. Derek drove down to the rent house to discover that the fleas are still there (going to have to pay $200 to have it professionally sprayed AND the lady wants to move in on Friday, but they can't spray until Friday AND we still don't have the new carpet installed AND the house needs to be sprayed BEFORE they install the carpet). Derek calls the doctor and makes Bryce an appointment, because he also had a horrible headache and a sore throat.

Sometime that morning, Riley calls to inform Derek that he has hurt himself in football practice and can't lift his arms. Oh yes ... these are the days of our lives. So Derek brings Riley up here with him to take Bryce to the doctor and they then take Riley to the chiropractor - who cracks his bones nine ways to Sunday and tells him that he has ribs out of place. His instructions were to rest and not practice football until Thursday and to come back on Thursday for another adjustment.

Last night I asked Derek if he had given Riley any Tylenol during the day. He had not. I found an Aleve instead and proceeded upstairs to give it to the poor child with the misplaced ribs. As I rounded the corner into the empty bedroom, Derek yelled "THEY ARE OUTSIDE". My first thought was "Is the mothership here to take me home? (preferably to a planet that doesn't have fleas)". "THE BOYS ARE OUTSIDE", he yelled. My next thought was "Those little shits !!!"

Sure enough ... there they were .... standing in the backyard. The kid who has ribs out of place and is supposed to be in bed lying on an ice pack and resting AND the kid who stayed home from school all day puking are outside throwing a football back and forth. I am sure that I had my "mother possessed by demons face" on .... Riley just looked at me and said "He didn't say anything about playing catch".

Derek (in between the laughing) told me, "Just walk away honey ... just walk away"

Ricky's Life

If you have teenagers, please click on the link and read Ricky's story.

http://www.rickyslife.com/

Weekly Challenge - Find Your Direction

I have my moments when I feel lost. There really isn't any other word to describe it. Just a feeling of not being in the right place, yet not knowing how to get to where I am supposed to be. I just read that Derek's best friend from high school (the one who was recently promoted to an Assistant Superintendent job at a huge high school in Texas) is now working on his Doctorate degree. It hit me hard. That should have been me ... that was part of the big plan. Realizing that that will never happen now really hurts, but I am trying really hard to not get upset by it. I have to believe that what has happened to me can be turned around and used for the greater good. So this week, instead of getting down and depressed about the direction my life was supposed to take - I am finding my new direction.

I keep imagining that somebody is going to call me up and offer me a book deal, a job writing articles for magazines, or a reality television show - but how is that ever going to happen if I don't put myself out there. I need to keep working towards my direction and keep talking and writing about the issues that are important to me and maybe my story will make a difference. Here are my "new directions":

- the overprescribing of psychotropic and pain medications

- domestic violence (focus on prevention)

- reforming the criminal justice system so that only the truly dangerous are locked up

(the only thing that prisons teach is how to be a prisoner)

- reforming the Sex Offender Registry so that it is actually useful and does not punish those who do not deserve to be labeled for life (like barely 19 year old who have consensual sex with their almost 16 year old girlfriends)

- life skills taught in schools so that people don't turn to drugs and/or alcohol to numb themselves

What is your "new direction"?

In Honor of Labor Day

A question was asked on one of the forums that I belong to about each person's favorite quote. Somebody posted this one: "Do It Now...You can't build a reputation on what you're going to do".
I love love love it ! I even copied it into Word, changed it to a fabulous font, made it bigger, bolded it, printed it out and taped it to my desk at work.

When I woke up this morning I had a little anxiety and I picked up my depression digging shovel and started hauling that depression dirt. The thoughts were just running through my head "We have so much debt" "I will never get a better job with benefits because of my felony charge" "We are never going to sell the land and pay off that loan" "Our new renters are probably going to turn out to be deadbeats too" ... and on and on and on ... I think it all started when I woke up and realized that I had freaky dreams all night about the cast of Jersey Shore and about cleaning out Christmas decorations from my hoarding parents house. Freaky dreams ... the gift that keeps on giving.

After doing a little bit of web searching and feeling sorry for myself, I remembered the quote and it hit me. I can sit around on my butt all day long, eating and getting fatter OR I can use the day to start writing my new book, finish reading "Eat Pray Love" (I know I am a little late on that one ... let's blame the cast of Jersey Shore for that too), watch Chocolat (part of my torrid love affair with Netflix), work on some letters that I have been meaning to write, finish registering my new website domain, etc.

Picking up the depression hole digging shovel and filling that hole back in ... right now !

Sometimes Boring is Good

The kids are all going to the football game tonight so Derek and I are going to get sandwiches from Subway, watch a movie from Netflix, and basically sit around and NOT listen to children griping about something or asking for money. He just called me to inform me that he has stopped and purchased a box of wine for me ... or as he likes to call it "the keys to the castle" ...... ah .... he is such a romantical guy.

Burning the Ropes That Could Save You

Derek and I were sound asleep when the phone rang last night at nearly midnight. It was a coworker. She proceeds to tell me that her alcoholic boyfriend woke her up, drunk off his ass, waving a gun around and telling her to "get your shit and get out of my house". She then tries to tell me all the details and my only thought was "I really would like to go back to sleep". I know that that probably sounds cruel and uncaring, but I am exhausted by her drama. Just exhausted.

Back at the beginning of the year, he got so drunk that he broke her arm during an argument. She went back to him. They have fight after fight after fight and she always goes back to him. He promises to stop drinking .... never really does .... and she goes back to him. I was in an abusive relationship in high school, I know how it goes ..... but DAMN ! Eventually the people who keep trying to help you just get so tired of all of it and the fact that you are never going to work to make your life better, that they just give up.

I went through some major drama a few years ago with my own prescription drug issues, alcohol, and my court case, which is why I prefer to live my life as drama free as possible. Don't get me wrong - I will help somebody in their tough times, but when does it end? When should it end? Should we continue to help people who refuse to help themselves?

Blogging for Bucks

I don't have sponsors on my blog for a lot of reasons:

1. I have a felony record and if you googled my real name you would probably fall out of your chair and run screaming down the street like you were on fire.

2. I tend to use colorful language from time to time and make not always popular observations about the world and the people in it.

3. I am deathly afraid that if I click on the monetize button that I will only be sponsored by porn sites and THAT is the last thing that I need my name associated with.

4. I like to say that I blog strictly for the enjoyment of sharing my snarky thoughts with the world, however with that being said - if the following companies want to pay me money to advertise on my blog (and hopefully soon to be improved website) then feel free to send me large amounts of cash (actually a check would be preferred - don't want people thinking that I am associated with some drug cartel too). Here are my dream sponsors:

Franzia - because we all know that the best wines come in boxes !!!

Taco Bueno - because they have the Bueno Chilada platter and it is better than you know what on a stick ... or in this case, you know what on a platter !

Any Glitter Company - because my ongoing good deeds will require copious amounts of glitter for my cardboard box in heaven !

Nissan - because all cool chicks drive Nissan Quest minivans !

Skippy Peanut Butter - because the phrase "Damn Jiff" just doesn't sound right (damn Skippy !!)

Weekly Challenge - Stop Self Sabotage

The picture to my left is the little voice inside my head that says that even though I am trying to lose weight, it is okay to eat ruffled potato chips with ranch dip and shredded cheese for dinner. I knew it was wrong. I knew that it was evil. I knew that it wasn't good for me and those 100 calories that I burned on the Wii Fit didn't matter when I ate 12 bazillion calories worth of chips dipped in ranch dressing and then dipped in shredded cheddar cheese. I knew that I shouldn't have done it, but I did it anyway. Why?

Why do we sabotage ourselves? We know that we shouldn't do certain things, yet we do it anyway. What part of the human brain makes a person be rational one second and kick rational in the face and laugh in an evil manner while they stuff chips down their throat and watch endless episodes of Man versus Food the next? Why? Why? Why?

Attack of the Crappy Movies

Ok - maybe I am just a movie snob, but I am so sick of the stupid humor in movies and the fact that none of them have any sort of plot whatsoever. We spent weeks and weeks waiting on Hot Tub Time Machine to come up as available on Netflix. I watched about fifteen minutes of it and couldn't get past the overuse of the F word every other word. Is that really what film makers think is necessary to make a movie funny? I understand that sometimes it is quite humorous ... like the line in The Ringer "When the f*ck did we get ice cream?" Now that was funny. F-ing this and F-ing that throughout the entire movie is not funny. I gave up on Hot Tub Time Machine and went upstairs to watch an episode of Lie to Me (an intelligent show that has yet to even imply the use of the F word).

We also waited for weeks and weeks for the movie Cop Out to come up as available. If you have any brains in your head whatsover, don't even bother renting this movie. It almost took me an entire box of wine to get through it. At one point I was so bored with it that I actually started balancing the checkbook. How bad does a movie have to be when balancing the checkbook is preferable to watching it? Pretty F*cking bad !!!

Where are all the good movies? What has happened to Hollywood? Have you seen the movie Idiocracy - there is a scene in it where the latest popular movie is literally people sitting in the theater watching some guys butt up on the big screen. Is that where we are headed? If so then I am going to have to buy more boxed wine and open more checking accounts just to survive it.

My Cardboard Box in Heaven

Years ago, back when I still went to church, I heard a preacher talk about how a Christian is guaranteed to go to heaven. However, they are not guaranteed to get a golden mansion. He quoted scripture and talked about how our deeds on Earth determine what our mansion looks like in the afterlife. Hmmmmmmmmmm ... well ... um .... I am not counting on a golden mansion in my afterlife. Maybe a cardboard box. I am thinking that my past deeds will get me the box, but my current and future deeds might get me some hot pink glitter to put on it ... or maybe some little twinklee Christmas lights .... or God might grant me a Bedazzler. Oh yeah baby ! I am going to have the best looking cardboard box on the block .... might even add on a cardboard box garage with a cardboard game room and a cardboard sauna ... oh wait ... the hot steam might make the box sag ... scratch that .... how about a cardboard wine cellar made of boxes of wine !!!

I just hope that my box isn't behind the mansions of the people from my former church who treated me like crap when all of my scandal broke out .... or maybe they are hoping that their cardboard box isn't right next to mine. Muahahahahaha

The Bullies Just Get Bigger

Last Thursday was the first day of school and we didn't have enough money to buy Emily and Beth their shoes for PE yet, so I told them to just tell the coach that we were going to get them that weekend. They told him. So he called them out in the middle of the class and asked them why they didn't have shoes. Stood them in front of the group and YELLED AT THEM about how ridiculous it was that they didn't have their shoes for PE yet. Emily had to tell him that we didn't have the money to buy them yet. Just typing that makes me tear up. We have been through some major shit (pardon the Spanish there) in the past four years and we are literally living paycheck to paycheck. The manic spending while I was Paxilated plus the $40,000 that we paid lawyers (oh yes - that does in fact say $40,000) has put a major crimp in our financial situation. Maybe crimp isnt the right word ... crimp implies something small ... how about bend, fold, smashed all to hell and back. Yeah .. that works.

I am already hard on teachers, because I can't be one any more and this little example of how a grown man chooses to make himself feel better by belittling some thirteen year olds (my daughters were not the only ones involved) just proves several of my points about what is wrong with education. WHY DOES THIS JACKASS GET TO TEACH AND I DON'T ????

So Derek, my knight in shining firefighter uniform, went down to the school to talk to the principal, Ms. Grant. Of course her first question was "Did you talk to Coach Slate about this?". To which Derek replied, "Oh it's probably best that I NOT talk to Coach Slate about this." (Damn - I love that man of mine!) The really sad thing about all of this is that Emily begged Derek not to go talk to Ms. Grant about it, because she really feared that it would just make the coach act worse to her ... and I agree. Since there were several kids involved Derek asked Ms. Grant not to tell Coach Slate which parent came to see her, because we didn't want our daughter targeted any more than she already was. Emily is ready to quit basketball over it and I have to say that little Miss Emily is one hell of a basketball player. How dare that jackass treat my child this way and why in the world is behavior like his tolerated?

We have all sorts of programs in schools that try to educate children on the seriousness of bullying. Maybe we should have some for the teachers !

Happy Rebirthday to Me

August 25, 2007 was the first day in nine years that I didn't take that morning little pink poison pill ... not even a sliver of one ... not even a crumble (and it got down to slivers and crumbles there at the end). I had been chopping pills for about eight months at that point and it was time for it to be over. At first it was really strange to not take that pill every morning, but that strangeness was quickly replaced with the ability to laugh again - the ability to feel empathy for other people - the ability to have a rational conversation with somebody without yelling at them, belittling them, or trying to make them cry. It was replaced with me wanting to actually get out of the house and do things instead of sitting in front of the tv eating anything that I could get my hands on. It was replaced by my snarky sense of humor that had long been lost in the Paxilated haze. It was replaced by a love and respect and gratitude for the man who stood by me when every other man on the planet would have given up and only tried to save himself.

Things aren't all rainbows and unicorns right now. We are living paycheck to paycheck (thank you lawyer's fees and manic spending debt - both of those situations Paxil induced), one of the kids is sick, another one of the kids might not get to go to college, the rent house has fleas (oh yeah - FLEAS!), there are still umpteen projects around the house that need to be done, and we still haven't won the lottery. But don't feel pity for me ... don't you dare. I spent nine years in Paxil hell ... living in a tunnel without emotions ... acting like a completely crazy person who didn't care that I was slowly ruining my life. Even with the things that are going wrong in my life right now ... there are soooooooooooo many things that are going right. It is nice out in the sunshine and I will never go back to the tunnel. NEVER.

http://www.paxilprogress.org

Don't Look at My Boobs !

My hotmail email account had a link to an article about a 14 year old girl posing for racy bikini pictures and her parents defending her posing for those pictures.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/07/22/kendall-jenner-in-new-str_n_656433.html

Wow ! My twins are 13 and I cannot even imagine letting them pose for that first picture. How many grown men are going to see that? and what will they be thinking when they do? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW !!! We as a society have got to stop sexualizing our children !!

Why are we allowing our ten year olds to dress like hookers? and don't even get me started on the crap on Toddlers and Tiaras .... telling a 5 year old to "shake your booty" at the judges is soooooooo disturbing.

and then the girls who dress like that get all pissed off when older men stare at them .... Rachel came home the other day completely grossed out that an "old man" was looking at her boobs and her butt ... my husband said "well maybe it was the giant blinking arrow that you were wearing in the form of a too tight tank top and shorts so short that your ass cheeks hang out" ... she just rolled her eyes

A friend of Rachel's wore this sexy nurse costume to a Halloween party last year ... when she was 16 ... oh how I wish that I were kidding.

Weekly Challenge - Know the Difference

Part of the Serenity Prayer says:



God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I have a hard time with just letting things go. It's something that I need to work on. I need to be able to accept the things that I cannot change. I need to work on the things that I can and I really need to learn to let my children fall on their faces every once in a while. If we keep saving our children every time that they get themselves into a mess, then they will never learn how to rescue themselves.

Rachel informed us on Friday night that she might not have a grade point average high enough to qualify for free tuition through a program that they have in our state. We cannot afford to pay for our kids to go to college (and even if we could - we wouldn't). If college is important enough to them then they will figure out a way to pay for it. My first response to her news about the grade point average was to go into Mommy Mode and try to come up with ways to find her classes that she can make great grades in so that her gpa will improve. Then it hit me - why is this my problem? Haven't we been telling her for years that she has to have a good gpa to get the free tuition? Haven't we been talking to teachers, the principal, and the counselor trying our hardest to get them all to realize that we are trying our hardest to be good parents and help her? Doesn't she tell us on nearly a daily basis that she is nearly 18 (as if that magically gets you somewhere)?

So Derek and I have come to the conclusion that we are not going to go above and beyond to try to fix this for her. We told her last night that it is her responsibility to talk to the principal and the counselor about possibly changing her schedule so that she will have a high enough gpa to qualify. We also told her that the times of us babysitting her to make sure that she gets her assignments turned in or that she studies for her tests are over. If she wants to throw the "I am nearly an adult" malarky in our faces all the time then she needs to start acting like one.

It will be tough on the momma and I think even tougher on the daddy, but we have to let this one go. We have to know the difference and this is something that she is going to have to change on her own.

I Made the Call

It only took me a week to build my courage back up, but I did it. I would have loved to have seen the look on his face when I told him who I was .... he hasn't really talked to me in nearly four years. Of course as soon as he said "well hey there girl" I lost it. Back when we used to be friends, he called me "girl" all the time. Back before I went completely bat shit crazy and hurt so many people that I probably couldn't even name them all. What followed was a blubbering snotty mess of trying to explain why I called. I had to stop talking several times so I could calm down enough to say what I needed to say. It almost didn't seem real. Like I was living in a dream and I didn't really dial the phone and I wasn't really standing there saying those things.

This is a very complicated situation and it involves a lot of people, but I did get to say the one thing that really needed to be said - "When you knew me I had a really severe prescription drug and alcohol addiction problem and I just wanted you to know that this whole situation probably saved me in some way." I don't know why it bothers me so much that so many people, who don't know me anymore or didn't know me before the Paxilated years, think that the insane way that I acted was the real me. Why do I care? Maybe I shouldn't care what other people think, but I can't help but desire the opportunity to explain that that wasn't really me.

He told me that a close member of their family is having health problems and now might not be the best time to revisit all of this. He told me to call him back in a month. So now I wait .... but at least I made the call !

Sometimes It's the Simple Things

I just spent the past 30 minutes trying to get that damn flying saucers picture to stretch the right way so I could use it in my heading ... sure there are tax returns that need to be done ... sure there are completed construction job reports that need to be sent to the CPA ... sure there are leases that need to be completed ... but all of that can wait .... I GOT MY FLYING SAUCER PICTURE TO WORK !!! Please don't tell me if it doesn't show up right on your screen ... just pretend that it does.

McGee Brothers Construction

McGee Brothers Construction is the partnership of Bryce McGee and Riley McGee, formerly of McGee Brothers Painting. If you are not familiar with their work, please read about it here:

http://a-slapintheface.blogspot.com/2009/08/mcgee-brothers-painting.html

The construction partnership was not founded by them. It was founded by Derek when we discovered that there is a hole in the roof of the smaller rent house, therefore when it rains, the water pours right down through the hole in the middle of the room and has caused the wood floor in that room to buckle. The lady who lived there only used that bedroom for storage so who knows how long it has been leaking. Derek announced yesterday that the boys were going to help him fix the roof ..... cue the eye rolling and huffing.

Two teenage boys standing on a roof with hammers is not a good thing. Two teenage boys who watch idiotic shows on MTV where they jump off of things is even worse.

Bryce: "Hey dad .... do you think I would break some bones if I jumped off of the roof?"

Derek: "Don't jump off of the roof. I have to get this finished and if you jump then you are just going to have to lay there and bleed until I get done"

Bryce: "Hey dad .... do you think that Riley would break some bones if I pushed him off of the roof?"

Riley: "I will grab you on the way down dude ...."

McGee Brothers Construction - We do a bad job, but we do it really slowly ... and sometimes we get distrac ..... oh look ..... there's a kitty !

Weekly Challenge - Face Your Fear

I wrote a letter a few months ago to a person that I had hurt. The letter has been revised several thousand times over the past four years and I finally arrived at the version that I was content with in May. Since then I have been waiting for the universe to throw the ball back to me and put this person in my path. It hasn't happened yet. So I am thinking that it is time to kick the universe in the knee caps and just take the damn ball back.

I tried last Thursday to contact this person so that I could finally ask if I could read the letter to them in person. I sat down in the empty conference room .... picked up the phone ... dialed the number ... asked for him ...

HE WAS ON VACATION !

How in the world is it possible to be both anxious and relieved at the same time?

So my challenge for the week is to pick up that phone again .... no matter what happens ... even if he doesn't want to talk to me ... it's time !

What are you afraid of? Kick the universe with me and take the ball back .... it's time !

If You Build It, They Will Stay

As you may know, we play the lottery every week, twice a week. Derek calls them my "crack tickets". I am addicted to the idea of winning the lottery. He is addicted to fried stuff with cheese. It works for us.

The kids know that we buy lottery tickets, so they dream right along with us about what we would spend our big lottery winnings on. I have my plan of building a house in the middle of a square mile of land, surrounded by a moat with piranhas in it. Bryce has a dream of building a huge basketball court. The conversation went something like this:

Bryce: If we win the lottery then we can build an awesome basketball court.

Me: Well first of all son, you won't be buying the lottery tickets, therefore there is no WE in that statement.

Bryce (rolling his eyes): Whatever ... If YOU win the lottery then you can build ME an awesome basketball court.

Me: Sure eldest son of mine, if your dear father and I are blessed with the winnings of several millions of dollars then we will bestow enough upon you so that you can build your dream basketbal court.

Bryce: Cool .... If you did that, then I would never want to move out.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKKKKKKKKKKK!!!! Put on the brakes !

Me: In that case ... NO !!! No matter how much we win, we will NEVER be building you your dream basketball court, in fact we might just live in a one room shack so that you little childrens will not come back home.

Note to Self: Install secret underground tunnel under the floorboards of the one room shack that leads to an undisclosed location where we can build our dream house surrounded by a moat and piranhas !

When They Grow Up - Part Two

Derek did not plan his vacation time very well. He didn't bother to look at the school calendar, therefore he took off six or seven shifts (which means that he is off work for about three weeks) right when the kids are all at home. Needless to say, six people trapped in an 1,800 square foot house all week long (five of those people being moody teenagers) does not a happy vacation make. Well it all came to a boil yesterday when Derek couldn't find the charger for the cell phone. He and I have the same type of phone and use the same type of charger. The kids use a completely different type of charger, yet Bryce took our charger to his friend's house and accidentally left it there. Did he bother to tell us that he had it? Of course not ! Did he bother to tell us that he forgot it at his friend's house? Of course not !

Derek blew up .... I am just glad that nobody was seriously injured or maimed in the blow up and that I was not there to see it. I can understand his frustration with things not being where they are supposed to be, I went to find my hairspray, comb, and frizz cream the other day. The hairspray was under a bed in the girl's room, the frizz cream was on their dresser, and evidently the comb ran away with the spoon (the spoon was tired of the dish ... probably because he left their cell phone charger at a friend's house ... I don't blame the spoon ... enough is enough !)

So we have added another item to our list of things that little evil elves are going to do to our children when they move out on their own .... be warned my little childrens ... you better be buying those car chargers by the case because we are going to be giving them out like candy at a parade !!!

Weekly Challenge - Junk Food Journal

For the past week or so, I have been having horrible "there is an elephant sitting on my chest" anxiety and have been having trouble sleeping. I thought that maybe there was a three year wave from coming off of my antidepressants, but I am more inclined to believe that it has something to do with all of the junk food that I have been eating (especially the salty stuff). My challenge for the week is to blog down everything that I eat - so you, my loyal readers, are going to help me cure my junk food habit. Here is what I had to eat this weekend:

Saturday:
Breakfast - a can of Dr. Pepper
Lunch - Steakhouse Sub Combo at Arby's (Roast beef sub sandwich with onion rings on it, curly fries with ranch dressing, and a medium raspberry tea)
Dinner - Ranch burgers that Derek made, chips and ranch dip (I see a ranch them here)

Sunday:
Breakfast - a can of Dr. Pepper
Lunch - leftover Ranch burger, more chips and more ranch dip
Dinner - Redneck casserole (ground beef, mushroom beef soup, and potatoes)

Geez Louise ! No wonder I feel like crap ! There is not a vegetable or a fruit anywhere in that list. Writing it all down is a huge "slap in the face" (where have I heard that before?)

I brought an apple with me today and am going to have salad for lunch and beans with tomatoes for dinner. I have got to do better !

A Wonderful Article !

Great article !!!

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2008886,00.html

This is the letter that I wrote to the editor:

Thank you so much for this article. People need to realize that it is irrational to expect that a soldier can witness the act of war and come home unphased by it. I applaud you for writing about the fact that the mental health care of our soldiers is inadequate. I also loved that you didn't take the stance of "meds can cure everything". I am a survivor of the horrific side effects that antidepressants can cause and know personally that "popping pills" doesn't solve problems. I hope that your article is read by people who have the capacity to fund mental health clinics for the military and that more qualified staff can be hired to care for our soldiers with talk therapy and Cognitive Behavorial Therapy. In times of heartache and trauma, we all just need somebody to talk to.

I have to wonder why this wasn't the cover story. Is the fact that a bird can drop stones into a pitcher of water more important than the mental health of our soldiers? As a country, I really think that we are spending money on the wrong kinds of research.