Friday, October 30, 2009

The Alarm Clock

Every morning the alarm clock goes off at 6:30 am and I hit the snooze button so that I can lay there for another ten minutes. I don't fall back to sleep. I never do. Mornings are the worst for me anxiety and depression wise and I will spend that entire ten minutes laying there thinking about all of the horrible things I did and said to people when I was crazy. All of the bad financial decisions after the Paxil made me manic. All of the times that I quit jobs and flew into uncontrollable rages. For the whole ten minutes, it's a daily slug fest with myself.

Well today, I have decided that torturing myself like that every single morning doesn't do a thing except upset me. SO NO MORE !!! Tomorrow morning I am not even going to hit the snooze button. I am going to get out of bed and do something constructive with that extra ten minutes. Laying in bed and dwelling on the past does not change it. I need to concentrate on the here and now and how far I have come. I need to stop trying to live the life that I think that I should have had and live the one that I do have.


  1. I wish I could do that!! it's nice to know that I am not the only one out there that does this.

  2. You are on the right track my love. Keep going.

  3. Good thinking! I have read almost all the way through your whole wonderful blog today and only stopped reading now to comment on this post. I have a list of triggers that I know can get the best of me, and mornings are one of them. For others, you can catch them at
    No pressure, just more of the same rantings and silliness I thought you might appreciate. There's not much there, as it is fairly new, but I try to keep it up. Sometimes for no other reason except to keep focused. Love your writing. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to my reading (of your blog).