Thursday, October 1, 2009

Grandma Vampires

Maybe it's because my daughter is soooooooo in love with the Twilight craze, or maybe it is because I don't find the thought of sucking out somebody's blood the least bit sexy, or maybe it's because those damn vampires are so damn pasty; but I just don't understand the big fascination with it all. Everybody and their vampire dog has jumped on the band wagon. Vampire books, vampire tv shows, vampire movies, blah blah blah. If people still carried lunch boxes then there would be some blood suckers on those things too.
I know that it's all fiction and fantasy which is the only real explanation for why they only have young, attractive, skinny vampires. Maybe I would be on board for the whole thing if there was a practical element to it all. You know that not all of the vampires of the world got sucked on when they were young and got to stay that way forever. There has to be some middle-aged, balding, stock broker vampires out there somewhere. Or the thirty something mom vampire who wears sweats all day and smells like baby puke. What about the geeky teen vampire who plays tuba in the band and spends his Friday nights in the basement practicing his karate moves (chicks dig karate). Oh no - all vampires have to have wispy hair, clothing that blows in the breeze, and glowing eyes. Just once, I want to see a menopausal vampire who has night sweats and is bitchy to everybody. Now that's a blood sucker that I can related to !!!
Who knows - maybe that is my calling in life. To write the perfect vampire book series. I am going to start with the grandma character and call the book "Menopause Sucks". The next one will be the overweight mom of five kids who prefers chocolate cake to blood sucking - that one is going to be called "Dieting Sucks". Do you sense a theme here?


  1. You know you love Edward, a lot! Don't deny your lust for him.

    And just so you know, I carry a lunchbox, but I certainly wouldn't carry one with a vampire on it. Well, maybe if it were you as a vampire. Okay, yes, definitely in that case I would.

  2. ha ha ha very funny stuff.

    Did you see the movie. Even my kids had to admit that those white vampires looked more like clowns than anything. And the way Edward had to stare at Bella. It was really bad.