Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Bob’s Church of Judgment and Alien Understanding

A friend of mine's husband was basically being forced by his job to get the swine flu vaccine and the only way that they would be allowed to "opt out" was to have a letter from the pastor of their church claiming a religious belief that did not allow for vaccines. Well - me being the snarkiness queen, I wrote up this little letter for her to give to her husband.

Bob's Church of Judgment and Alien Understanding
2121 Oh Enlightened Way
All Places, All Times 90001
The date is completely irrelevant to our cause and is not needed
Workplace that imposes foreign matter on to employees
Anytown, USA
Dear stupid Earthlings who lack understanding,
A member of our beloved congregation has recently come to me in distress claiming that you, his employer, are forcing him to inject evil viruses and mind altering devices into his brain. As the leader of the ultimate group of chosen few who will one day ascend into the heavens wearing fur capes and pointy toed shoes, I seriously have to object to this practice, at least for my loyal followers. Here at Bob's Church of Judgment and Alien Understanding, we believe that only the chosen ones are allowed to push their ridiculous agenda on others and force them to behave in completely absurd ways. Therefore, we must demand that you allow our loyal follower and alien brother to be excused from your ritualistic injections of pig diseases so that he will be well enough to join us in our annual tin foil hat rally.
We also welcome you to become one of us and to embrace the knowledge that pigs are in fact so sacred that any illness they pass on to us is in fact a blessing and not a curse. As a matter of fact, we have made tin foil hats for them as well.
Apples and grapes to you and all of your loved ones,
Your brother in alien knowledge and strange shit

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