WARNING: Stay Off Of The Sidewalks !

Rachel has a car !!! After years and years (ok - maybe it only seemed that long to her poor exhausted parents) of looking for the perfect car - WE FOUND IT !!! Derek has taken her car shopping for several days and he and I have looked at a few without her. Finding a car under $5,000 that isn't a POS is nearly impossible. They either have five bazillion miles on them or they were previously owned by a sweaty, chain smoker, who kept their seven monkeys in the car instead of buying them cages. Plus you have to find something "cute" and not an "old lady car" that holds five people. Good luck with that one !

We lucked out yesterday - big time ! I was talking on the phone to my banker friend about how much we could borrow to go along with the $3,000 that Rachel already has saved (yes we are one of those HORRIBLE parents who make their children save for their own cars) and he informed me that he couldn't loan us any money on a car older than a 2003 model. Well dangit all to heck ! We had planned a big trip to OKC to look at cars and none of them were newer than an 03 model. Then my banker friend had a lightbulb moment ... DING ! His nephew (who is leaving to join the Navy next week) is trying to sell his car. It's a 2005 Chevrolet Cavalier - really cute and only slightly old ladyish. Long story short (too late), WE BOUGHT IT !!! Rachel is going to get to learn about car payments, insurance payments, checking accounts, how much a tag cost, etc. She is also going to learn that if you let the little childrens have drinks and food in your car, then it won't be long before you have the monkey smell as well.

She couldn't wait to drive it around town when we got home last night, so she and the twins did a treasure hunt all over the house to find enough coinage to go to Sonic for drinks. Before they left Derek told her, "Get me the biggest blue slushie they have ..... and make sure that the straw is extra long so that when I ride in the backseat I can jab it all the way through the bottom of the cup and then sling it around!" She rolled her eyes and said, "Daddy - that isn't funny". After they drove off, he turned to me "She thought that I was joking". Oh yeah - this is going to be fun !

Of All the Gin Joints ....

Derek has been reading my blog ! How dare he ! Doesn't he have some Peggle to play or some pinup girl pictures to look at instead? I mean the nerve of some people ! There are millions of other websites out there ... stop reading mine you bald fireman !

I discovered this little tidbit (don't you just love that word? - let's all say it together TID-BIT) of information the other day on our way to do some highly entertaining grocery shopping at the fancy grocery store without taking the kids - hell it was almost like a vacation or a hot date (well at least a luke warm date). Anyway ... out of nowhere ... in between some of his "redneck, I loved my cousin, but had to give her up cause she was addicted to crack and couldn't support her drug habit cause my best huntin dog needs an operation" music he turns to me and says "So ... you want to learn how to mow?"

To which I replied, "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? Where did you hear that?" Then I pretended to pass out for a few seconds and awoke with a "where am I?", "who are you?", and "and there was a Tinman, and a Scarecrow, and a Wicked Witch .....". He didn't fall for it and said "Don't bring your mother into this ... I have been reading your blog."

Well gosh darnit all to heck ! Now I guess that I am going to have to be nice and not post the picture of him laying in bed, with nothing but his underwear on, eating a Big Mac ! Oh maybe I will ..... muahahahahaha ! That will teach him not to try to actually make me do my own weekly challenges. THAT BASTARD !

Personal Ventilation System

Also known as the huge hole in my pantyhose that is getting bigger every time that I sit down ..... the hole also has runners that have now reached my knees .... not a good look ... this might be one of the weirdest feelings on earth ...right up there with the look I had on my face after trying blueberry cobbler cheese.

DAMN YOU STATURE GODS FOR MAKING ME SO TALL THAT I CAN'T FIND DRESS PANTS LONG ENOUGH AND AM FORCED TO WEAR SKIRTS AND PANTYHOSE EVERY DAY ! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

Weekly Challenge - Prune for New Growth

My "slap in the face" taught me all sorts of lessons. One of the most important ones was that true friends are hard to come by and some of your friends won't stand by you in the hard times. After I was arrested (yes - I spent some time in the black and white jumpsuit - if you don't know that by now then you need to step away from the box of wine for a little while), I lost a lot of people whom I thought were my friends. For a while I tried to force the relationships. I would call them. I would text them. I would send emails. Then one day as I was reading my Joyce Meyer Bible (a lesson on pruning), it hit me like a ton of bricks that I was trying to force relationships with people who either never cared about me or no longer cared about me. Why was I wasting my time? More importantly, was my inability to prune these dead limbs holding me back?

My challenge for this week is to finally let go of the relationships that I have continued to hold on to even though those people have not shown any effort to continue knowing me. I know what you are thinking - "that slappy is a fantabulous person - who in their right mind wouldn't want to know her?" But alas - it is true ! It's time to prune some more and to start caring about the people who care about me ... and let the other dead limbs fall.

Tough On Crime Doesn't Work

I unfortunately know way too much about the so called justice system. I also know way too much about politicians and their perceptions about crime. I have to wonder sometimes if any of them have ever even talked to a person in jail. How can they sit up there at the Capitol pretending to know what causes crime or the best way to deal with it when they don't even bother to do some research? No child dreams of going to prison one day. No child dreams of being addicted to drugs. No child dreams of robbing a house or joining a gang. Maybe we should be concentrating more on preventing crimes by finding out what really leads people to do bad things. Find the point in somebody's life when things went wrong.

I talked to a Senator last year who told me that murder has been a crime since the beginning of time and even though punishment for it can be death itself, people still commit murder. I agreed. Changing the punishment doesn't prevent the crime. People know that cooking meth and having drugs in their possession is a crime, yet they do it. Why? Could it be that they have no real coping skills for when life goes wrong and they turned to drugs as a way to numb themselves? Could it be that they were raised in that environment and don't know anything different? Could it be that the education system has failed them to the point where they graduated from high school not knowing how to read or write and selling drugs seems to be their only way to make money?

The commercials for the Governor's race are hitting the airwaves on a regular basis and they all promise to be "tough on crime". Why? That has been the approach for years and it is obviously NOT WORKING !!! Why not be smart about crime? Why not try out the old saying "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure"?

Our society has been teaching kids for years that when things go bad you just need a drink, to pop a pill, or to indulge in something to make you feel better. The mental health field has moved away from teaching people how to work through their problems towards handing out prescriptions and continually blaming somebody's past for their actions. Why not teach coping skills and life skills so that people can work through their problems instead of ignoring them and just hoping that they go away? Changing brain chemistry is often not for the better and there are links to an increase in crime rates for people on psychotropic meds. Let's start looking towards the causes of crime and trying to prevent the problems before they happen.

Workin At The Car Wash

During our trip to Vegas back in March, Derek and I went to see a burlesque show ( I think that I spelled that right,but am too scared to Google it ... who knows what might pop up ... pun intended). Anyway, at one point in the show the dancer that Derek found absolutely captivating did a little number where she wore a stunning aqua fringed outfit and man oh man ... those little fringie things were a flyin ! I thought Derek was going to pass out.

After the show, we were talking about how Vegas needed a burlesque type of show with curvier women ..... the light bulb went on ! This could be our million dollar idea ! We could call it "Chubbies" (note the double meaning) and we could use only curvier women to do the dancing. I told Derek that I would even be willing to do a little number in a fringie outfit .... only when I did it we would use the song "Workin at the Car Wash" because that was what it would resemble. He nearly passed out from laughing so hard .... not quite the same response that he had to the other fringie outfit .... but the same end result ... him laying on the floor gasping for air.

Is It Really Freedom of Religion?

There is a huge debate going on right now about the building of a mosque close to Ground Zero in New York City. So many people have weighed in on the subject, most of which have no business even giving an opinion about it (wink wink). Here is my opinion (and keep in mind that I am a Christian who considers herself to be very spiritual, but not at all religious).

I have always believed that there are radicals in every religion and a radical Christian can be just as dangerous as a radical Muslim. Radical Christians have supported harming people because they perform abortions or because of their sexual preference. Does that mean that all Christians think that way .... NO !!! It is the same with the Muslim religion ... a few crazy terrorists are not the entire religion or it's people and I don't believe for a second that any God wants their people to harm and kill each other. The phrase "killing in the name of God" makes no sense at all.

The people who are making a big deal out of the small portion of a building that will be devoted to prayer should be focusing their efforts on bigger issues and should leave the peace loving Muslims who live, love, and thrive in this country alone ! People like to say that we have freedom of religion in this country. I disagree ... I think that we have freedom of Christianity and if you don't believe what the so called "moral majority" believes then you are viewed as wrong. I will never understand why some people feel the need to force the way they believe on others or to condemn somebody for worshipping their God their way.