Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Men - You can't live with them and you can't beat them with thorny sticks‏

I am mad. Fuming Mad. Grinding my teeth as I type this mad. I just got off of the phone with home. Derek and the kids are all there and I was just calling to inquire as to whether or not we had anything in the house to eat for dinner. I have declared that June is going to be no take-out food month and that we are going to used up what we have in the pantry, cabinets, and refrigerator before we go on another big food shopping excursion. Rachel answered the phone and when I asked where Derek was she told me that he was out on the deck setting up the new umbrella. What new umbrella? Why did we buy a new umbrella? Did we NEED a new umbrella? Were we going to die without a fancy, new deck umbrella? Gosh - I have never seen reports on the news of "Man Dying from Lack of Deck Umbrella" so we were probably safe without it.

As the kids were scrambling to get Derek on the phone (they could tell from the tone of my voice and the snippiness of my questions that I was NOT happy about the purchase) they handed the phone off to Beth who promptly informed that Daddy had also bought new phones. I am sure that steam actually came out of my ears at this point. Unless the phone fairy paid a visit to our house in the middle of the night then I don't think that we had the money to buy a new phone system. Our portable phones had started to squeek the other day and we took the corded phone from the kitchen and plugged it into the living room. That worked just dandy. After all people have survived without a portable phone for years. I have heard of such people. In fact I kind of liked that the kids had to stay close when they were talking with their friends. It made it less convenient for them which as the parent of five is my ultimate goal. I don't give a damn if they have to sit in the living room with us while they are talking to their friends. It does not kill them - not a one has dropped dead yet.

Derek's excuse for buying the phones was that we needed them because his dad only calls us on the house phone not on our cell phones. Well honey - have you ever heard of the little cheap corded phones that they sell at flipping Wal-Mart? You know the ones like the one that we had downstairs that seemed to be working just skippy. Hmmmm ??? Heard of those critters before?

Maybe I am just upset because I have been eating bland frozen dinners all week in an effort to save a few bucks a week and not charge my credit card back up. Maybe its because I know that it is two more days before I can stick my mouth directly under the spigot on my box of wine and pour away. Maybe it's because I am going to have to sell a kidney to get us out of debt. But won't I look great as I am recovering on our deck under the new umbrella talking the pharmacist about my pain pill prescription on my brand new phone.


  1. I love you Gina. You crack me up!

  2. roflmao!!!!!!!! As long as there's box wine, all's right with the world!