Derek and I both had to have mini-physicals (go ahead and sing the Olivia Newton John tune in your head while you read this - I give you permission) for our life insurance applications. I have been waiting for a few years to be able to purchase life insurance (turns out that people on probation die younger or some bullshit like that) so actually getting to the physical exam part was thrilling for me. We were supposed to have ours done at our house about an hour before Derek was supposed to start drinking "the prep" for his colonoscopy last week. It was just not a good day for him. Well the nurse had a personal emergency and couldn't make it, so we went flying (not literally) up to the lab so we could have our blood drawn, our blood pressure taken, and give a urine sample (as if it was some sort of gift or something) and then had to get back home so he could drink the "bowel cleanser".
Well we got a phone call yesterday ... evidently there is nothing wrong with my samples. Derek on the other hand has to go back and give two more urine samples. Evidently his pee is the gift that keeps on giving. The lab people and the insurance people will not tell us what is wrong with his urine sample, but I can only imagine that the conversation in the lab went something like this:
"Hey man - you gotta come see this. I have never seen a urine sample like it"
"What are you talking about ... what can be so special about this one?"
"Well other lab dude - I don't think that this is urine .... I think that this guy actually peed out Mountain Dew"
"What ? How is that even possible?"
"I think that's really Mountain Dew and OH MY GOSH .... is that a bacon bit floating in there?"