Sitting out on my deck yesterday afternoon enjoying the shade of my umbrella (the one that I bitched about Derek buying, but have to admit that I now love ... are you happy now honey? I admitted it AGAIN ! jeez !), I got a text message from a lady that I used to teach with. She just couldn't wait to fill me in on the latest bit of gossip that was going around about another teacher - one that I used to be fairly close to before all of my scandal hit. This teacher was a person that I admired, looked up to, and was in fact jealous of for years. Beautiful new house. Two Masters degrees. Dream job. Everything that I had thought that I had lost when all of my shit hit the fan. The gossip was not pretty .... I doubt that she will ever read this blog, but just in case she does I will not repeat it. However, I did discover that she filed for divorce last month and even though I haven't talked to her in close to four years it broke my heart.
I can't quite put my finger on why it is hitting me so hard, but I have just been on the cusp of tears for two days now. Maybe it's because it was a humbling experience to realize that the person that I envied didn't really have it all after all and that even though I have legal issues, even though I have money issues, even though I have job issues ..... my grass is in some ways greener. I have Derek. I have the kids. I have my true friends (especially Amity). I have the things that are so much more important than just things. I have the knowledge that happiness doesn't come in pill form. I have the second chance that a pair of handcuffs and a jail cell gave me. I have the ability to help other people and the empathy to feel bad for an old friend even though I haven't talked to her in years. I have greener grass and I will stop comparing it to the grass that just looks green on the outside.