Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Ah .... Young Stupidity (The Sequel)

The old Paxilated version of me would have handled this whole Rachel situation by either a) flying off the handle, throwing stuff and drinking excessively or b) avoiding the situation and just hoping that it goes away ... to end up later raising at least seven different grandchildren by seven different fathers. Well not this version of me - I took the rational approach and spent an hour yesterday evening talking to the mother of Rachel's current "love of her life".

The mother told me that the relationship had been going on for about a year and that Rachel had been to their house on a regular basis - quite often during her lunch break at school and on the weekends when she was supposed to be at various friends' houses. I showed her the ring and asked her if it looked familiar ... of course it did ... she had seen it before. That got all over me ... this woman that I had never even met ... the mother of a twenty year old young man that is evidently engaged to my daughter, that I have also never met .... knew that he had given an engagement ring to my daughter without me even knowing that they were dating. Not to mention the fact that he didn't even know enough about her to know or bother to find out her actual ring size since the ring has a plastic sizer on the back of it. Oh there is also the other option that it is actually the engagement ring that he gave his ex-fiance a year ago and he gave my daughter a used ring. Either option did not sit well with this momma.

I told her that if their relationship had in fact been going on a year, then Rachel has been dishonest with her son as well. I proceeded to enlighten her to the fact that a year ago Rachel had a serious boyfriend from one neighboring town whom she had dated for a year and that just six months ago she had another serious boyfriend from another neighboring town. So she has been keeping this twenty year old "on the side" while she dated other boys that we knew about. Classy - huh?

The mother told me that the "boy" had wanted to tell us several times that this was all going on, but every time that he mentioned it then Rachel would start the water works and proceed to make him believe that Derek and I were somehow controlling and abusive and that she feared that something truly horrible would happen if we found out. Oh you can just imagine how well this little tidbit of information went over. I have never abused my children, but in that very moment it sure did sound like a very tempting idea.

I also asked her if her son had given Rachel a phone, because I check her cell phone bill and their contact miraculously ceased the very same day that we had a heated argument about this boy about a month ago. The mother told me that Rachel had the boy's phone and the boy was using her phone so that they could call and text each other. She even told me that the last phone bill was over $700, because they had texted and talked so much - but in the very next breath started trying to convince me that her son was intelligent, mature, and responsible. I am not buying it - I present to you my arguments for my case.

1. An intelligent, mature and responsible twenty year old does NOT sneak around with a seventeen year old behind her parents back all the while knowing that they do not approve of the relationship and would not condone it.

2. An intelligent, mature, and responsible twenty year old does NOT quit college, give up a full-ride scholarship and move back to podunk Oklahoma to chase around a seventeen year old high school girl.

3. An intelligent, mature, and responsible twenty year old does NOT give the seventeen year old girl a phone so they can sneak around and talk to each other as a way to get around the fact that her parents check the cell phone bills AND then run up a $700 phone bill that his mommy paid for him.

After the conversation with the mother, I drove the the grocery store where Rachel works and informed her that I had been to talk to his mother and that I knew about the ring and the phone. She looked me right in the face and said "It's not mine ... it's Aubry's ... just ask her". To which I replied, "Do you have any idea how hurt your father and I are about the fact that you were given an engagement ring by somebody that we didn't even know that you were dating." She actually said to me, " I didn't know that it was an engagement ring". I had to leave at that point or I would have caused a major scene and possibly an arrest, but before I stormed out I got right in her face and said, "I though that the ring was Aubry's".

Derek is not talking to Rachel and I am tired of playing the peacekeeper in the family ... exhausted by it actually. I am done. Derek is working tonight and I am going to talk to both Rachel and "Mr. love of her life" tonight. I have four more kids to raise and a strong marriage that I am not willing to sacrifice for her seventeen year old bullshit. I am giving them options ... and they aren't going to like them ... but guess what ... I DON'T CARE !!!


  1. You are the best momma I know! You are doing exactly the right thing by setting healthy boundaries for Rachel. If she isn't capable of seeing how wonderful you are at this very moment, she will realize it down the road.

    Keep on keeping on woman!

  2. You have exhibited waaaaay more patience, control, and rationalism than I could have.
    May the force be with you! YOU ROCK!!

  3. sounds like it's time for those options... and i don't think it should be option(s)... i think you should let her know that if she thinks she's old enough to be getting married, and she's feels the need to hide these things from you, then maybe she needs more "privacy", like in their OWN apartment... if his mom decides to pay their way, then that's her problem... i know it's probably not the easiest thing to send your daughter out to fail, but maybe that's the only way she's going to learn?

    hugs and i hope to hear that she wakes up on the other side of the bed tomorrow with a clearer mind!

  4. Oh my GAWD, Gina!!!! I do not know how you are staying sane. I believe I would have lost my shit in the store when she contradicted herself like that. I feel your pain, really I do. I have 5 daughters!! Two of whom gave me major issues. One of those has since grown up and totally has her shit together, the other one?? 21 and still stupid.

    Here's the thing that baffles me even more than your daughter's stupidity. The MOM!!! What the hell is she thinking? Did Rachel have her so bamboozled as to the mental stability of you and Derek that she felt like she was saving her from a horrible fate? That pisses me off more than the sneaking around. It's one thing to break the rules, but to break them and then make it sound like you're just trying to survive life. UGH!! My drama-daughter used to do that. She'd get all freaked out about how her mom was going to totally kill her and all her friends were scared to death of me because of the picture she painted. How the hell are you going to handle this conversation with the daughter and the dip-shit?? Let me know when you need to come bail you out of jail. :) Good luck, girl! This is a toughy.

  5. I'm with Canis Majoris on the other mom. What the hell is she thinking? The only explanation I can come up with is that she thinks her son is perfect (as mothers are want to do), and she feel like they're a perfect little couple. Ugh. Good luck with this. You sound like you have a good handle on it, mama.

  6. Whoa! Giving her grown up options (because she is making some grown up choices) is probably the best way. I agree. Don't hold back though Momma, she is old enough to be told the truth about herself and Mr. Fabulous.

  7. Uh-oh. No post today? Are you there?? How did it go? I know I'm not the only one dying to hear how the chat went with the "kids" last night!!