Thursday, September 2, 2010

Burning the Ropes That Could Save You

Derek and I were sound asleep when the phone rang last night at nearly midnight. It was a coworker. She proceeds to tell me that her alcoholic boyfriend woke her up, drunk off his ass, waving a gun around and telling her to "get your shit and get out of my house". She then tries to tell me all the details and my only thought was "I really would like to go back to sleep". I know that that probably sounds cruel and uncaring, but I am exhausted by her drama. Just exhausted.

Back at the beginning of the year, he got so drunk that he broke her arm during an argument. She went back to him. They have fight after fight after fight and she always goes back to him. He promises to stop drinking .... never really does .... and she goes back to him. I was in an abusive relationship in high school, I know how it goes ..... but DAMN ! Eventually the people who keep trying to help you just get so tired of all of it and the fact that you are never going to work to make your life better, that they just give up.

I went through some major drama a few years ago with my own prescription drug issues, alcohol, and my court case, which is why I prefer to live my life as drama free as possible. Don't get me wrong - I will help somebody in their tough times, but when does it end? When should it end? Should we continue to help people who refuse to help themselves?


  1. There unfortunately is no pill for my Gramma always told me.

  2. I just don't get it ... I was in an abusive relationship when I was in high school - when I was young and stupid. Maybe abusive relationships are all that she knows, but damn! When will enough be enough.

  3. I feel your pain on this one!! I had a friend years ago that sucked the life out of me. You try to be compassionate but when you feel like a leech is attached it becomes rather burdensome.

    The abusive relationship is difficult. My sister was married to an abusive man and it took her 19 years to finally find the inner fortitude to divorce him. My daughter was in an abusive relationship her last year of highschool and into her first two years of college. It took her FAR too long to find the inner strength to get out of that relationship. Abusive relationships are tricky because the women who are trapped in them are just that ....trapped... mentally trapped. I don't believe we can call them stupid because the abuser has them so beaten down that it paralyzes them. It's very sad to see, though. And very frustrating when they can't take the advice of someone who sees the situation from a different perspective. Especially if that someone has similar experiences to relate to them. It's tough!

  4. I know exactly what you mean. I was in a very abusive relationship my senior year in high school. People would tell me to leave him, but I was convinced that I was going to magically change him into a nicer person. One day I just looked at him and said "I am leaving and I won't be back". That was that. I met my husband a week later.

    Abusive men are all cut from the same cookie cutter. It's the same story over and over and over again and everybody can tell the woman that she needs to leave, but until she sees it for herself then they are just spinning their wheels. That wheel spinning gets old after a while and eventually those people just give up.

  5. I had to move to a different city to finally cut ties to the guy who gave me black eyes and held me down to spit on me. And I was a pretty smart, college-educated, resourceful woman. Or so I thought. I still have a near panic attack at the thought of ever seeing him again. Sometimes people are inexplicable.

    But it is lovely to have a drama-free life now.

  6. I unfriended two drama queens like that years ago. I called them "emotional black holes." Nothing I ever did was going to change things for them, and it was exhausting. Sadly, sometimes you just have to turn the page.