Sorry that I didn't post yesterday ... along with all of this mess, I am having health concerns so Derek took me to the doctor for an exam and blood work.
Where to begin? Where to begin? First of all, I have to tell you that I was not arrested and only had to use the really colorful curse words a few times during the "big talk". However, I do appreciate the underground effort to collect money for bail in the event that it was needed.
Wednesday night as soon as Rachel walked in the door from work, I handed her the phone and told her "call Brant and tell him to get over here right now". Ah - the element of surprise! She told me that she couldn't call him from the house phone because she didn't know his number. YOU ARE ENGAGED TO THIS GOOBER AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIS PHONE NUMBER !!! I realize in the age of technology that we put contacts into our phones and don't actually dial the numbers when we want to talk to them, but come on!!
He showed up and we begin the lecture/big talk/what the hell were you thinking? discussion. I know that my daughter doesn't read this blog and will probably never read this blog so it might be safe to say that this kid is a goob. In case you don't know what a goob is ... look it up on dictionary.com and his picture will be there. He is just a big, dopey acting kid who is so madly in love with Rachel that he can't see past the "um ... she is pretty .. and um ... she talks to me ... and um ... I love to look at her ... and um ... we are gonna get married".
I proceeded to tell them both that Derek was not able to have a rational conversation about all of this yet, but he did agree to the written agreement that I had devised. The agreement reads as follows and I read it to both of them:
Agreement about the Relationship between Rachel McGee and Brant Boggs.
There will be absolutely no compromising on the terms of this agreement and no part of this agreement is subject to any type of debate.
Until January of 2011, there is to be NO contact of any type between Rachel McGee and Brant Boggs. The secret relationship has been going on for months without any regard to the rules of this household and with blatant disrespect by all parties who knew about it. Adults and people who want to be treated like adults do not behave in this manner and can obviously not be trusted. The situation will be evaluated by Rachel’s parents, Derek and Gina McGee, in January of 2011 to determine whether or not Rachel can be trusted to behave in a mature manner without the continuous deception that she has obviously exhibited in the past. The time spent apart should be spent on maturing in the areas of school, work, and general attitude.
The time of sneaking around and lying about the relationship is over. We had our reasons, as her parents, to set guidelines and rules about whom she was allowed to date and those rules were not followed. It is even more upsetting to have your child continually lie to your face about the situation and to have them tell lies about you in a form of manipulation and as a means to control everyone in the situation.
If at any point during the time period from now (September 15, 2010 to January of 2011) it is discovered that contact of any sort has been made between Rachel McGee and Brant Boggs, Gina McGee will meet both Rachel McGee and Brant Boggs at the Cottle County courthouse on the morning following the discovery to sign permission for a marriage license. It is illegal for a seventeen year old child to reside with somebody over the age of eighteen without being married therefore the only option if Rachel and Brant are not willing to respect our rules and this agreement is for the two of them to be immediately married.
If Rachel McGee and Brant Boggs chose not to follow the rules of this agreement, the white, 2005 Chevrolet Cavalier registered in the name of Derek McGee is to remain the property of Derek McGee. The vehicle was purchased under the agreement that Rachel McGee would follow the rules and guidelines set by her parents for the car, one of which was that the car would never be driven to places that Rachel was not supposed to be. This agreement has obviously been violated, therefore the vehicle will be sold in order to pay off the lien against it and the loan that is currently in the name of Derek McGee.
We are not happy about this decision, but feel that we have no other choice. We are exhausted by Rachel's behavior and are extremely hurt by the entire situation. We are no longer willing to allow this situation in its current state to continue.
I called their bluff. I not only called their bluff - I texted it ... I faxed it ... I sent it messages by carrier pigeon and smoke signal. Derek and I both knew that this was not going to be the final agreement, but Rachel and Mr. "she is so beautiful that I can't see straight" didn't know this. We had to get their attention and the agreement served the purpose ... plus it gave me a great amount of insight into how each of them really felt.
After I finished reading it, Rachel's eyes were as big as dinner plates and I knew that I had her attention. "What does all of that mean?" "Why are you going to make us get married?" "Why do I have to give up the car?" Muahahahahaha ... Oh I had her now! She doesn't want to marry this goober any more than she wants to wear a beard of bees while walking a tightrope and juggling chainsaws. She took the engagement ring because he gave it to her and she didn't have any better boyfriend options at the time. She has been stringing this guy along for years and the poor sap really is madly in love with her. If it wasn't so damn pathetic it would almost be funny. She was sitting there worried about how she would be the only Senior that was married and the fact that we would take her car and he was sitting there all moon eyed telling me, "I would marry her tomorrow". To which I replied, "Then you are a damn fool".
I have to tell you that I am so proud of Derek. Damn - I love that man! He had his moments during all of this where he was so angry that he couldn't see straight, but he has calmed down considerably and we have had some really good discussions about it. We talked about how kicking her out of the house and forcing her to get married might prove our point in the short run, but in the long run it would tear apart the family and probably ruin her relationship with us and with her brothers and sisters. Our goal as parents is to raise responsible children who can take care of themselves and contribute positively to their environment and the world and if using an unorthodox approach achieves that end result then we will do exactly that.
I told the both of them that there has to be some sort of punishment for the lying and sneaking around and that Derek and I would talk about the whole situation ... and I left it at that. When Rachel gets home from work tonight we will inform her that she is grounded from going anywhere that isn't school, work, home, or on outings with the family. She will be allowed to see him only during her lunch break at school and she is NOT allowed to bring him to our house or to be at his house at any time. He may come by the grocery store where she works to see her, but there will be no contact by phone. Derek and I aren't stupid - we remember being madly in love and if somebody had told us that we would have had to build a log cabin by hand, kill our own food, and hike four miles one way to a contaminated stream to get drinking water in order to be together, then we would have done exactly that. My point is ... forbidding her from seeing this goob will not work and did not work. We realize that ... and by continuing to forbid them from seeing each other, it would only reinforce his attitude of "eveybody else supports our love except you".
Derek and I really feel that this relationship will run its course just like all of her other "loves of her life" have and we just need to sit back and let it happen. I have to confess though, being a tough parent is well ... tough. Calling their bluff and upsetting her was not fun, but it had to be done (hey - that rhymed). When we adopted our children years ago, we did it with the understanding that no matter what, we would still love them and even though I was fully prepared to let her go, I just wasn't ready to think about a hallway that had four senior pictures hanging in it instead of the five that I had always dreamed would be there. I just wasn't ready to think about a world where daddy's little girl didn't dance with him at her wedding or a world where my grandchildren were born without me being there.
We have reached a compromise and while it isn't the best situation, we are working on it. We aren't perfect, but we are trying.
** Some names in this post have been changed to protect the stupid and madly in love**
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